As a little girl, I always fancied myself a princess. I don't really think I'm alone in that, nor do I think that my quirks and childhood fantasies are unique in any way. As I become more mature with age, I've found myself revisiting those childhood dreams and analyzing just how far off I was in actuality. When I heard the Cinderella story, it was easy enough to figure out as a kid. Cinderella is the good and pure character I thought I should sympathize with and strive to emulate. I mean, I can't recall seeing any girls my age racing to dress up as the ugly stepsisters. Here's the thing: as much as I wanted to be Cinderella as a child, I ended up more like her counterparts than expected.
Let me be clear, I am not emotionally abusive nor am I a terrible human being. I would also like to hope that I am not ugly, but we'll save that topic for another day. I merely mean that oftentimes, I force myself into things that simply are not meant for me. In fact, I do this so often that I've named it the "Ugly Stepsister Syndrome." (The patent for that is still pending, of course.)
See, the ugly stepsisters probably would've given anything to fit into that shoe, even going so far as cutting off their toes (if you happen to know the original, German tale.) They knew what fitting into the glass slipper would mean: a life of royalty and wealth and happiness, and I don't blame them for wanting it so badly.
My condition is, of course, on a much smaller scale. I can safely say that I've never been willing to cut off my own extremities for something. For me, it begins with an intense desire to try something, simply because I see the joy that doing that specific thing brings others. I tried acting once, and the second I auditioned for my first play I knew I wasn't meant to be on stage. I hated every moment of rehearsal, but I stuck with the production and tried very hard to like it. My "grin and bear it" attitude has never really done me much good. There are simply some things that are not meant for me, and that's OK.
There is no need to push yourself into doing something that doesn't genuinely bring you joy, especially not when the world is full of so many precious and beautiful things that have the potential to make you happy organically. Sometimes it's a matter of pride. It's a matter of taking a look at yourself and being okay with the fact that someone else has found happiness in something and you haven't. It's realizing that you'll find that something for yourself too one day. You just have to find the right fit.
