First date expectations

F**k the articles that give you rules on what you can/can do, eat, say on a first date. If I want to wear a new white dress and eat spaghetti and meatballs, let me be free! My normal is speaking way too loud, embarrassing those I'm with, and asking a buttload of questions. My boyfriend experienced all three on our first date and he stuck around. Guess I did something right!

You may just end up with an empty wallet

But the experience and learnt lessons are worth it! (Just keep reminding yourself of this.)

It's a game of 20 questions

I'm trying to twist this into a positive, but this is just the utter truth. But, if you really really were head over heels in love with them, no new information would push you away.

Always be prepared

Chrissy Teigen isn't just hot, she's also a genius and so much more.

It'll all be worth it (hopefully)

Two years ago, I asked my best friend where my soulmate is, he looked and me and said, "Africa." A year later, I met Chris, who spent a chunk of his life in Africa.

Drop the expecations 

Having expectations never ends up well. Have an open mind and the little things will light up your day.

New bios on Tinder

Disclaimer: I eat a lot, I'm an attention whore, I also have night sweats, so be prepared.

Jealousy

My roommate motivates her boyfriend to reply to every DM she gets. It's hysterical.

What girlfriends are for

The other day, my boyfriend asked if I could bring a bag just to hold his stuff.

 Nothing wrong with gaining a few pounds

True life: boyfriends make you fat.

 Someone make a dating rulebook

Honestly, I'm sure one exists somewhere.

 Single blessings

Holding on to the blanket while he's trying to steal it away is a third world problem, but it's still a nuisance.

 The actual Netflix & chill

My boyfriend and I have been watching "Arrow," and there have already been a countless amount of times where I wipe off my drool and ask, "Wait, what did I miss? What happened? What's happening right now?!"

 Don't do it

Excuse me while I gather up her friends to steal her phone so she doesn't double text again.

 The mushiest compliments

My boyfriend once told me that I'm a 10/100.

 My way or the highway

Your hands make me tremble, and when you use them to place the plate upright, my heart begins to melt.

 Just dance it out

Duh.

 Wait your turn

It's like a professional dividing her time for her patients.

 Third wheeling

My two roommates are my best friend and her boyfriend. I know third wheeling all too well.

 Don't lose your independence

Go have fun! Have a girl's night! Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're locked in the house.

 He probably didn't think this all the way through

One time, out of nowhere my boyfriend turned to me and asked, "Can we adopt a baby that's already potty trained?"

 When you don't define the relationship

Just because you went on one date doesn't mean you're dating.

 The aftermath of a relationship

I would lose it.

 Now that's a transformation I like to see

Look at you now! You were beautiful either way, but now you're glowing.

 My dating life could be a reality show on E!

Honestly, I'm just waiting for the camera men to show up.