If I had to choose one word to describe myself during my first three years of college, the best word to do so would be "whirlwind".
I was a whirlwind.
I was constantly consumed by deadlines and obligations; all marked by color-coded scheduled events crammed into my precisely-planned calendar. I woke up, looked at my to-do list, and devoted my entire day to finish what needed to be done. I drank unhealthy amounts of coffee, cried way too many tears, endured one too many panic attacks, got sick on a weekly basis, missed my family, and was not fulfilled by the overall life I was living. I woke up to one deadline after another, and it was absolutely dreadful. However, I continued to push through it. I pushed aside what my mind, soul, and body were telling me. I told myself to toughen up, dry the tears, and just finish whatever needed to be done. This was my motto in college for three years. I had it in my brain that if I ever took a break, I would not graduate. So, the obsessiveness with school continued, and my health dramatically declined. I was either overeating or undereating, sleeping too much or not enough, and my anxiety was always off the charts. I was very grateful to have supportive family and friends during these years, but on my own, I was absolutely lost.
Eventually, my last Spring Break as a college student was approaching, and I had scheduled a full week of stress-crying, finishing projects, and maybe squeezing in some family time somewhere. However, one of my best friends had another idea up her sleeve. She invited me on a week-long getaway to Florida over Spring Break. She was moving there in a few weeks: so we would go have fun, help her get a job and apartment, and spend some time together before she moved twelve hours away. I even didn't have to pay for gas, and we could stay with her aunt and uncle's house for free. This was the deal of a lifetime, and I didn't want to go. I was a whirlwind of deadlines, stress, and unhappiness. However, thanks to my supportive boyfriend, I was on my way to Florida for a week with no homework, project rubrics, or study guides.
On our first full day there, her uncle took us out on a boat ride that changed my life. We were out for a good four to five hours that day, and I was pulled out of my whirlwind. We turned the corner out of the bay and I saw the horizon meet the ocean for what seemed to be an unlimited amount of miles. I watched dolphins jump next to our small boat and play freely in the water. I listened to the waves crashing on the jetties. I sunk my toes into the cool, white sand and wiggled them around as I giggled in delight. That night we walked on the beach and watched the sunset over the ocean as we made sandcastles and talked about life. We had meaningful conversations with strangers that we will never see again. We spent the rest of the week living day by day. We woke up early in the morning, drank coffee, and planned the adventure we wanted to have that day. We ate the most delicious seafood, went on a helicopter ride over the ocean, jumped over waves, walked on the beach, ditched the makeup and hair products, and even pet a dolphin. We stayed inside with warm blankets and homemade cookies on rainy days and went and explored when the sun was up. Our days were based around weather and water, and it was a beautiful way to live.
For the first time in forever, life felt simple. And I was addicted to it.
When we came back to Texas, I was determined to never be a whirlwind again. I was determined to live a more simple life that was filled with spontaneity, love, and joy. However, I quickly learned that the world is not wired that way. We (as in myself too) are obsessed with having everything now. I want to know my grade on a test right now. I want to go to a fast food place for dinner because I need something to eat now. I am constantly connected to social media to stay in the "now" at all times. If I text someone, I want them to text me back right now. We, as a society, are demanding and pushy. We are always on the go and are always constantly pushing forward in every aspect of our lives.
Sadly, that constant way of living doesn't always bring joy, peace, rest, or fulfillment. It usually ends up leaving us burned-out on things we used to love, pushing aside people we love, and sacrificing our soul and well-being.
So, even though it is hard, I decided to choose simplicity in a world that pushes crazy. I chose to not put more attention into school than I am into my family. I chose to slowly wane off of social media platforms, or turn on my notifications, so I can better focus on the present. I chose to understand my limits, and not force as many deadlines. I chose to open up my Bible to find peace, and not get as caught up in the craziness that is life. Since I chose all of that in March, life still continued to be a whirlwind. I was in a car wreck not too long after that trip, I moved to a different city, lived and worked in Florida for a month, started my last semester as a college student, and went on the roller coaster that is clinical teaching.
However, I learned that just because life is a whirlwind, I do not have to be one too. I can control my thoughts, and I can choose simplicity in the whirlwind.
It has been a really hard journey, and it is one that I have not mastered yet. I have still put my family on the back-burner for the sake of getting a better grade. I have stressed cried over deadlines and schedules. I have been anxious over expectations that I felt I could never meet. I have sacrificed my mental and physical health for the sake of pride. And, I mean, we all know that ditching the social media stuff is a real struggle.
However, I have also gotten to see my family more this semester than I have the past three years. I have connected with people because I have taken the time to do so. I have nurtured my relationship with God and found a whole new sense of peace in my life. I turn off my phone for at least one hour each night and do something that makes myself happy. I learned to plan ahead on big projects, and turn in assignments much earlier. I was able to make relationships with students that I will remember the rest of my life because I was in a positive and healthy place to help them each day. I started saying "no" to others, and "yes" to myself.
My most memorable moments from college happened in these past eight months when I decided to live like this, and I look forward to building the rest of my life based on simplicity, love, peace, and joy. As I am typing this, I am exactly one month away from graduating college. If I could go back and tell freshman Taylor anything, I would say "you don't have to be a whirlwind to succeed".
And you know what? You don't have to be a whirlwind to succeed in college, either.
Take time for yourself. Live a life that brings you joy. Say "yes" to yourself. And remember: it's never too late to start living a simple life.
