Thanksgiving 2012 is a day I will remember forever, but not for the food, the feeling of being thankful or the good memories. I didn’t realize then that it was the day that was going to change my life forever.
It feels like just yesterday that I was eating Thanksgiving dinner with my family. One seat, however, was empty. My mom usually filled that empty seat, but this year she wasn’t joining us because she wasn’t feeling too well. My mom spent that Thanksgiving in the hospital. I knew my mom wasn’t feeling too great – the night before I went to visit her in the hospital, not realizing that the floor I walked onto was the oncology unit. On Nov. 22, 2012, my mother had been diagnosed with cancer.
From that day forward, my mother fought, long and hard. Each day was a battle, but she didn’t do it alone. Everyone in my family began the fight with her: me, my brother, my aunts, my grandpa and even my dog. Here are some truths about being a caregiver.
Some days will be better than others.
Each day you wake up and you don't know what to expect. I wasn’t sure if I would walk downstairs to my mom crying from laughter or crying from pain.
No matter how scared or upset you are, you can’t show it.
Whenever times got hard, I wasn’t able to show it. You have to stay positive so that the person who is physically fighting the disease doesn't lose their faith.
There are many sleepless nights and nightmares.
Sleep becomes almost impossible when your mind is running. When your head hits the pillow at the end of each day, you can’t help but think about the “what if's.” Sometimes you think about it so much that, even when you finally get some rest, you’re not really having a good night's sleep because your nightmares are actually reality.
After so long, you will need a break; a little getaway.
Everyone needs a break after so long. Don’t feel guilty when you want to get away for a few days, or even a week.
Strains will be put on your relationship.
Eventually the relationship you once had with the individual will diminish a bit. This isn’t because they don’t love you or you don’t love them; chances are, they aren’t in the right state of mind. Don’t hold it against them or yourself; remember them for who they were before they were ill.
You have to watch someone you love suffer.
Being a caregiver isn’t easy. Like I said, you have good days and bad days. Having to watch someone you love suffer is a pain like no other.
Whether you agree with your loved one’s decision or not, you have to support them.
While in the right state of mind, the person you’re caring for can make their own decisions and will want to while they can. If they want to do another round of chemotherapy or radiation, you have to let them. If they want the risky, dangerous surgery, there is nothing you can do but smile and support them.
And when your loved one doesn’t have the ability to make choices for themselves, you have to do it for them.
There comes a time when the person you love can’t make their own choices. Weighing up the options is in your hands and, although your decision might be the right and best decision, it may not be the easiest.
Regardless of all you endured while caring, you wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Seeing my mom suffer and watching her transform into someone she wasn’t was extremely painful; but if I had to do it all over again, I would sit next to her and hold her hand all the same.
