My fellow Americans, as elections come closer, it’s natural to start getting a little scared. The threat of a Donald Trump presidency looms over us and as we hope for the best, we’re faced with a really serious question. What do we do if this wall building, toupee toting, worldclass misogynistic, xenophobic, hater becomes our commander in chief? I've put together this brief, but handy, survival guide so that while you wait for the world to go to shreds or for Donald's toupee to fly off, you have a better chance of making it through a Trump Presidency.

Tip 1: Run Far, Far Away.

Now’s the time to claim latent citizenship of literally anywhere. Got a parent from another country? Latch onto that. Offered a job halfway across the world? Take it, no questions asked. Now is not the time to picky, folks. Antarctica may be cold, but penguins in place of certain doom is a fair trade off. Pack your bags, put on your airplane shoes and get on the next flight out of here.

Tip 2: Build Your Own Wall.

If you can’t get out of the country, turn your home into it’s own tiny nation. In building a giant wall around your place of residence, you can ensure the safety of your family and friends while refusing the presence of Donald Trump. He says he's the best wall builder around, but I bet you can prove him wrong. Build it high, build it strong and while you’re at it, make Donald pay for it.

Tip 3: Fix Your Face.

So, you couldn’t build a wall and Canada stopped taking refugees, huh? Well, you’re still in luck thanks to, you guessed it, plastic surgery! Now, I’m sure you’re beautiful just the way you are, but it’s all about looks with Trump and he’s very picky. You’ve got to be the pinnacle of God's glory to make it any further from here. I suggest a glorious fake tan that makes you look like a genetically modified carrot, a wispy blond toupee, at least three chins and a surgical procedure in which you make your eyes excruciatingly squinty. So squinty you can’t see the demise of a nation and America almost looks great again.

Tip 4: Re-learn All Social Cues.

After years of being a respectable human being, with integrity and good will for the people around you, it’s time to retrain your brain and get your bigot on. Some words to start fitting into your new vocabulary might include racial slurs, sexist mumbo jumbo and of course the words "loser" and “hyuuuge”. Stop holding the door open for people, if they can't open the door, there a loser. Don't say bless you when someone sneezes, if they're sick, they're probably a loser. When you've got the slang and ideology down, you can move on to making everyone hate you. Start by offending all the people that don't like you, then people who have done nothing to you and end with people who have actually helped you kind of a lot. If you're stumped or confused, just follow Trump on twitter (@realDonaldTrump) for some inspiration.

Furthermore, Please Go Vote.

If you don’t want to get plastic surgery, degrade your sense of human decency, build a giant wall around your house or move halfway across the world, I get it. Life isn't so bad here and while it could be better, Donald seems bound to make it a heck of a lot worse. He's mean and orange and something traumatic probably made him turn out this way. But, we can't wait around for his heart to grow two sizes. We can't pretend he doesn't exist. The only way to stop him, is to vote for someone else. Vote for Ted, Vote for Hillary, vote for Bernie; heck, vote for that guy promising free ponies because at least if the United States is going into ruin, you get a free pony. Either way, the downfall of America (and the free ponies) are in your hands now. You are the puppet master. Stay safe, go vote and if worse comes to worse, may the odds be ever in your favor.