Do You Truly Love Yourself?

Do You Truly Love Yourself?

What does it look like if you do?

I was sitting in basic counseling skills, one of my many psychology classes, and I learned something about myself. I learned that I do not fully love myself, that there are certain habits that I do that do not match up with people who have the ability to love themselves. I actually believed that I had reached the point in which I fully loved myself, I am close though.

If you fully love yourself it means to have respect for yourself in a way that shows in a positive self image along with unconditional self-acceptance. This means that no mater what, and I mean NO MATTER WHAT, you accept yourself every single day. It is equally important to have a healthy regard in knowing that you are in fact a worthy human. This also then means that you are not arrogant, conceited, or even thinking that you are above everyone else deserving better than anyone.

You are aware of your responsibility to regulate your feelings and know how to share them with others. This means you have the ability to know how to articulate they way you feel without just word vomiting on people all of the time. You know that your worth must be defined by yourself and not getting this acceptance from other people or societal standards.

Being able to take time for yourself is important so that you can be there to support others. Which means you need to be selfish sometimes, so you can help others without motive for yourself. If you cannot put yourself first in taking care of your physical and mental well being how can you help those around you? Putting other people's problems on your own shoulders while shoving yours down only backfires in the end. Neither your problems or their problems end up resolving themselves.

If you are able to love yourself then you are able to manage things in life. Things such as time and finances in a way that benefits you and does not become a burden. The ability to not constantly buying the newest thing to put you ahead of everyone else.

If you do not love yourself, you overly focus on yourself.

Sounds like an oxymoron right? Well actually no it's not. You are the type of person who has set overly high standards for yourself and you have negative self talk either in your mind and/or out loud. There is a present need to talk about yourself to others and you feed off of their compliments, even though you don't believe them. You spend so much time thinking about they way that other's perceive you, thinking about every statement or outfit.

Another aspect is the inability to receive compliments. I know that I personally find this extremely difficult. With certain people I have learned how to avoid talking about it when it comes up. I just feel extremely uncomfortable when people compliment me, I try to turn the conversation to avoid the topic. The only way I can work with compliments if I agree with them.

You might have this uncanny ability in which you can ignore your own feelings, you take on the world around you and help others. Which is good that you have such a passion to help, but your passion is misguided. Helping yourself and talking about your feelings is the only way to fully be able to help others. Like the words of Ed Sheeran says in his new song "Save Myself" it is important to help yourself first. "Life can get you down so I just numb the way it feels, I drown it with a drink and out of date prescription pills, And all the ones that love me, they just left me on the shelf, no farewell. So before I save someone else, I've got to save myself. I gave you all my energy and I took away your pain, cause human beings are destined to radiate or drain. What line do we stand upon cause from here it looks the same? And only scars remain." Like they tell you to do on the airplane in cause the oxygen masks come down, you can't help people if you are dead yourself.

It is OK that you are not perfect, love yourself anyway. Honestly perfection is overrated embrace your uniqueness. It is what makes this world a beautiful place.

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​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.

Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

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You May Be In College, But Positive Reinforcement Is Still Essential For A Better Life

It's truly amazing to see how positive reinforcement, especially from a professor or someone who works in your chosen field, can boost your confidence.


Being a freshman in college is tough, and I'm absolutely positive that I'm not the first person to say that. For me, the biggest adjustments came with being far from home, having to make brand new friends, and actually figuring out what I want to do with my life. Now, those first two items were not that difficult to find solutions to, but that last one? That is a completely different story.

In the span of six-seven months, I have gone back and forth, again and again with just about every combination of majors and minors that you could think of. At this moment, I think I've finally found a combination that will truly push me to succeed in my goals. By the end of next semester, I'm hopeful that I will be able to declare my major and minors.

But, the point of this article is to share the point in this current semester, where I really believed that my goals can become a reality. Right now, I am enrolled in a course called "introduction to critical intelligence studies." After much debate with the class, our professor decided to put our midterm online, making it a take-home exam. It consisted of a few multiple choice questions and three essays of our choosing. With the idea that this exam was take-home, I knew that my professor would be expecting us to put our best foot forward and all of our time and effort into making sure we did well.

And I did. This was the first midterm result that I got back and it was a 100. How did I find this out? For one day, instead of class, my professor met with each of us individually for at least ten minutes to discuss what we were hoping to get out of this class. It was during this meeting that she told me my grades and more.

My professor had explained to me that based on my writing, she did not think that I was just a mere freshman. She continued to say that I have a knack for analysis, as well as the fact that it was truly evident that I took in all the information from her lectures and the assigned readings. With my grades in mind and what I hoped to do in the future, my professor assured me that I should have no problem accomplishing my goals. My professor made sure that I had confidence in myself and my abilities, providing me with even more steps that would lead to success.

It's truly amazing to see how positive reinforcement, especially from a professor or someone who works in your chosen field, can boost your confidence. This reinforcement has provided me with the means and opportunity to further push myself. Since this meeting, I have been in constant contact with my professor to learn about different opportunities that can build up my resume. With her help, as well as the director of the program, I've been able to learn more about anything and everything that has to do with intelligence.

I'm proud to say that I want to go into such a field. And I'm also proud to say that I'm thankful for everyone who has decided to push me and not only celebrate my successes — but also to help me learn from my mistakes.

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