I've always believed in true love. I've always believed that, someday, I am required to find a person who I want to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who I would love and cherish for the rest of my life. Recently, however, I think I've noticed that my view of true love is way romanticized.
From the time we are born, we are constantly told that it is our goal in life to find a partner; that our biggest dream should be to settle down, get married, and have kids. This, however, has led to an unshakeable idea that, unless you are married by a certain age, you are broken. And if you decide that you don't want this particular dream, they say there is something inherently wrong with you. If you choose a career over kids, they say you don't have your priorities straight.
The problem with this is that it is not everyone's dream to settle down. There is so much hate towards those who choose the single life, or those who decide that their career is their bigger priority. We look down on people who are okay with being single. They don't want to get married, so they must be crazy, right?
This can be seen in media everywhere, particularly in film and literature. We all know that character in every romance movie who thinks they don't want to find a partner, but by the end, they are hopelessly in love. They couldn't even see why they didn't want love before. They were empty before they met the love of their lives.
Now, this can be okay sometimes. If you are in a relationship where you are happy, and you make your partner happy, that's amazing! All the power to you. This article is not geared toward you. I can appreciate and respect that love exists, and it is all over the place!
Given this, so many people, particularly in the high school and college age, are believing this idea that you are not whole until you have found your "person." The problem with this is, instead of promoting the idea that ensuring your own self-love and confidence would help you to allow others to love you as well, we are forcing teenagers and young adults to get into relationships with people they are unhappy with. And they are too scared to leave their unhappy, unhealthy relationship because of an innate fear of being alone that has been instilled since childhood.
So, instead of leaving this unhappy relationship to look for one of the other 7.6 billion people in the world, they stay with someone who isn't right for them. Seems crazy on paper, doesn't it? The fundamental need for a partner, which has been rooted in a systematic society, causes people to stay with, and eventually marry, someone they don't love.
No wonder 46% of marriages end in divorce.
We have covered up this statistic practically to the point of normalization. But this should be shocking, infuriating even! It should make us question our systematic view of love! Almost half of the people who get married end up divorced. Almost half. Has it sunk in yet?
Don't get me wrong, I believe 100% in true love. I believe that it happens often. My parents have been married for 24 years and they are absolutely in love. There are hardships, and ups and downs, but they put in the work because they love each other so intensely. So no, I'm not saying that true love doesn't exist.
What I am trying to say is that there is more to life that can make you happy than finding your 'true love,' and your self-worth is not defined by your ability to find a partner. Your biggest dream should be doing what makes YOU happy. For some people, that's finding your true love and settling down. For others, it's building up their career and finding happiness in that. And sometimes it's neither of those; it's something different for every single person. But we have zero right to disapprove of others' choices and priorities. Your dream should be your own happiness, not based on what society thinks is right.
Not to mention, your decisions are yours alone! So can we stop shaming those who choose differently than ourselves?
You are not broken because you don't want to settle down. You are not incomplete. You are whole because of you, not because of an idealized notion of love. Do what makes you happy.
