For a great portion of my life, I could rely on caffeine for…well, pretty much anything. It was my main source of energy. It was the muscle behind my ever abundant enthusiasm, my 3 pm pick-me-up, my liquid lover that was by my side every morning as I arose from my slumber, its warm sultriness coaxing my crusty mind's eye awake. Coffee was my running buddy that told me to KEEP GOING!
It was all going quite swell, really…until one fateful day. On this particular morning I was overtired from a previous days hard work. I was practically dragging my face on the ground. You know the kind of tired I’m talking about. Anyway, I opted for my typical order of java but in a larger size than the usual. Oh yes, reunited with my special juice, grandma style (my grandma and I take our coffee the same way) Black. Yes, you’ve heard me correctly, no sugar! No cream! I need just one ginormous mug of this liquid gold...not a dessert. And man, was it delicious.
About halfway through drinking it though, I wasn’t met with the familiar “I’m going to fiercely hug everybody I see and clean my entire house” feeling that it usually gives me. My heart was racing, and my palms and forehead were soon caked in a sweat. By the time I had actually finished drinking it, my usual anxiety had skyrocketed through the roof. I felt horrible, nauseous, and gross.
If coffee could animate itself into a person and punch me in the face that was what it would’ve felt like. I probably should’ve called it off right then and there but I didn’t. What can a girl do? I’m a glutton for punishment.
After this horrid experience I was tentative to keep on drinking coffee. Where was my warm and comforting partner in crime? Could it be that we were just having an “off” day? I had conjured up only one other solution to my wandering heart that was filled with questions. Must. Have. Another. Cup. Apparently, the face splitting anxiety and sweating out my weight in bodily fluids wasn’t a concern for me. You can probably guess that the conclusive outcome of my experiment was pretty much akin to the first. This was bad, bad news for me.
Which brings me to the subject of tea. On the first (uh, very difficult) morning of no coffee, I can remember drinking copious amounts of black tea. How innovative! How grand! I can STILL get my fix and not have to touch coffee! Wow! This, sadly, was short lived. My anxious heart and mind raced and drummed like it was keeping in rhythm with an african beat I once heard in a subway terminal in NYC thinking man, how can people dance this fast? Slowly and in quite a grouchy spirit, I moved down the tea caste from black, to green, to herbal. Key word…slowly. There were days where I missed the smell of coffee brewing so much that I literally had to drag myself out from under the covers and start counting on my fingers viable reasons why I should still get out of bed.
The withdrawals were the absolute worst. For somebody like me who could easily go up against Lorelai Gilmore in a coffee drinking contest, abstaining from the brew would give birth to some of the most annoyingly painful withdrawal symptoms. I had headaches that I swear if somebody split my forehead open with an axe that Medusa herself would spring out. And man, was I grouchy. If you met me and thought that I was unpleasant before, then you would definitely see yourself crossing to the other side of the street to avoid me. The struggle was real and it lasted for about 2-3 weeks before I felt a sense of normalcy.
But in the end, it wasn’t all bad. In fact quitting caffeine was the best choice I have made for my health this year. Mornings in my house begin in a more calming manner, using body movements like yoga to stretch my body awake from sleep. Also, I now have an entire cabinet of delicious caffeine free teas to choose from. And as a person who suffers from anxiety and depression, I can say that my mind has been much more quiet since breaking up with the almighty java. I am over one month caffeine free! Sure, I miss my sweet, black as night, electric morning treat. But I’m a better version of myself now. Bye Felicia!
