This article is for those of you that are currently in a relationship that you may not know if it is truly healthy or not. You may think that your significant other is treating you this way out of love but truthfully it may not be the case. Take it from someone who has experienced unhealthy ways of being treated in a relationship. Here are 5 significant signs to help you out:
1. Where? Who? When?
Does he/she always ask you what you’re doing? Who you are going to be with? When will you be back? You may think that it’s because they care about you but in reality this is one of the ways that they are able to control you as a person. Their objective is to convince you to come home earlier or keep texting you the entire time so they don’t feel as guilty leaving you home without them. If they had complete trust in you they wouldn’t need to ask you millions of questions every time you leave their side.
2. You’re Really Going To Wear That?
You decide to go out with the girls for one night, you're going to a club or a party. You look in the mirror at your dress and your hair and you’ve never felt more confident. You look at him/her and ask them how you look and if their response is something along the lines of “you’re really going to wear that?” or “do you really need to look like that?”. This convinces your mind that maybe you don’t look as great as you thought you did which makes you change into something less approachable. That is their goal. Right there, the word “approachable”. They want you for themselves and they don’t want any other eyes on you because they know they can lose you in a split second. Don’t ever, EVER, let someone tell you what to look like or how to dress. If you feel good, wear it. They can live with it.
3. 24/7: 365
Yes, I understand that if you're in a relationship you want to spend all the time in the world with the person you are infatuated with. Yet, if this person can’t walk down the hall way or to the mail room without you by their side it is not a form of love. It’s a form of controlling because they know where you are at all times (and that is right there next to them). When was the last time you spent time with your friends? Just you and your friends? When was the last time you slept in your own bed, alone? Have you even walked to class alone or ate a meal without someone staring at you as you ate? Think about it. This is not love, this is obsession.
4. Aggression
The word aggression is a very vague term in my eyes. This does not necessarily mean that the person you’re with has to be physically aggressive towards you. It could be the words they decide to use while talking to you in an argument or even just talking to each other in general. They can use the form of fear as aggression. Using their body language to scare you until someone’s (not even your partners) slight movement makes you flinch.
5. Why are you apologizing?
How come every time something goes wrong YOU’RE the one to apologize? Not everything you do is a mistake but if your partner keeps pulling the “guilt” card on you and makes you feel like everything is your fault than this is extremely unhealthy. Especially if you end up apologizing for something you don’t even know what your apologizing for it makes you feel like you can’t do anything right in the relationship when it reality theres a 99% chance that your significant other should be the one apologizing for what he/she has done. And if they still ask you over and over again why you did what you did learn to stand up for yourself!
These are only a few reasons to why a relationships can become or are unhealthy. These are the top things that I have learned from my experience in a mentally abusive relationship. Not all relationship violence has to do with physical abuse. If you find yourself mentally drained and you feel like you have all of the worlds weight on your shoulders than you should consider my advice!
