Silly me. Only in middle school, I was thinking a relationship would be the best thing for me. Little did I know what I got myself into. Did I know it was going to be a relationship that long..? Did I expect the worst..? No. Not at all. I thought relationships were the best thing ever. Long relationships full of love, laughter, trust and other things. My relationship though, was the complete opposite.
Older boyfriend, aren't I just the coolest? Typical middle school girl. Older boyfriend who constantly degraded you, blamed everything on you, never made you feel good about yourself. Okay, it's normal right now, isn't it? No. Do not ever think that. Do not ever let a boy/girl take advantage of you like that, do not let them degrade you, you are worth it. Just because it's the beginning of a relationship, doesn't mean things will get better. They will not always get better. I didn't listen. If he/she is doing those things now, chances are they won't stop. Letting it get physical was the worst thing I could've ever done. I loved him so much. After years, you just don't listen to the others. You are trapped.
It wasn't my fault. I did the best I could do. I was the best girlfriend I could've ever been. He constantly told excuses to his family, "she was having one of her fits," but it was just him throwing me against the wall constantly. I couldn't hangout with my friends. The friend I had for over 10 years, I was barely allowed to see. I didn't care though. I was controlled. I was tied.
Towards the end of the relationship, I began to stick up for myself, finally. I tried to tell his parents. I tried to tell them. I tried to tell everyone. "No way," they said. I almost gave up and let on. I'm not going to do this. I can't let myself do it anymore. I am worth way more than a hit, a slap, an insult. When I broke it off, I didn't feel much. I felt strange but I wasn't in that house tied up anymore. I wasn't constantly held back. I could see my friends. Freedom was great, until I let it get out of control. The thought of loving someone new, is a daily struggle. I have problems with it sometimes, I only think about my past, and if the new guy will do that same thing. That's all I have ever seen. Not much love.
Thankfully, I have a great support system. I'm 100 percent happier with my life. I love my friends, family and everyone else that has supported me along this long, rough journey. Advice to anyone out there reading this, do not let a relationship get abusive. It doesn't have to be physical to hurt. It can be verbal. If you need help, please get it. Don't let this take over your life. Do not drag this out like I did. The hotline number is always available, 24/7. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
