Over the past few months a lot of people, some I know and some complete strangers, have told me how happy I look. They compliment my confidence, appearance, and personality.

Now, I'm in no ways trying to sound vain. In fact, even recalling this makes me tear up a little bit. I think it's because prior to those few months the last thing I would think someone would compliment me on would be my confidence or say how happy I looked.

Well, that's because I didn't feel that way. To be honest, I didn't know that person I was four months ago. A person who was riddled with severe anxiety over the thought of her schedule not adding up with someone else's. A person who would get angry and cry over the fact that she couldn't see someone that same day. Who would rather cancel plans with friends for the third time in a row and have arguments with her mother so bad she never thought she would get back on good terms with her. Looking back at it now, I feel like such a fool for how I acted.

But I was too blinded by the idea of thinking I was in love with someone. Having never felt that way before I let it consume me and just went with it. I didn't notice until it came crashing and burning right before my eyes suddenly one day that the person I was for so long wasn't me at all. So, when I lost the one thing that was constant in my life for so long, I ended up losing myself in the process as well.

When you lose someone or something, you tend to keep that person or thing in your mind for a while. It's like trying to listen to your favorite record. You want to skip that song that makes your knees weak and heart race in the best way. But it's stuck on that song and repeats it every single day. Every time that song plays you're brought back to those certain moments that come speeding towards you without any signs of stopping. But then one day, when you're sick of hearing that verse that you can recite in your head and that chorus that you want to scream at the top of your lungs, you finally get the strength to take the record off and put it back into its cover forever.

That was me. For a long time, I felt like I would never get back to the person I used to be. I felt like I was moving in slow motion. Trying so hard to make it through each day without thinking of that person. Doing everything to smile and have it be genuine.

But for most of that time, I wasn't only lying to everyone around me, I was lying to myself. I did such a good job at pretending like everything was okay. Little did anyone know it took me twice as long to get out of bed, twice as long to get the strength and desire to eat, twice as long to talk to anybody because I thought to myself, "Why am I putting myself through this? There's no use continuing on."

When you lose someone or something you tend to reach for anything or anyone to make you forget about it or them, even if it's only temporary. So I reached for that bottle of wine or three glasses of gin to numb my mind. I reached for that boy and let him kiss me only to feel the lips of someone new, not caring to know their name or their dreams. I reached for that boy to hold me close beneath the sheets because I missed the warm embrace of someone's arms wrapped around my bare body. And for a while, all of this helped. But then the memories would come back, and you can only drink and use people for so long until it doesn't help you anymore.

I want to be clear that I never contemplated ending my life, But that's not to say I didn't have days sometimes weeks where my depression was so bad that I didn't almost get to that point where I was thinking about it.

Maybe you're wondering to yourself, so, how exactly did you get to where you are now? Someone who's more confident and content with her life? Well, I can tell you this, it didn't happen overnight. It didn't happen a week ago. It didn't even happen a month ago.

I want to say it happened nonchalantly. I started switching up little details in my daily life until it felt comfortable for me. I take more time to focus on myself and what makes me happy. I no longer chase after people or things that only lead me down a dark path.

I stopped caring what other people thought of me. If I wanted to wear makeup or speak my mind, I was going to. I spend time with people who want me around them and not just to fill up space. I walk with my shoulders back and head titled up high.

I could tell you that all of this is the cure for moving on and finding yourself. But, I still have bad days. Days where I want to stay in bed and don't see the point. But it's in those moments when I think back to that person I was a few months ago who couldn't make it through the maze even when all the signs were pointing her towards the right direction. I think that's how I felt in my last relationship. All of the red flags were pointing at me but I nudged them away and knocked them down. Only for them to wave themselves in front of me all at once in the end.

There's a quote from Taylor Swift where she says, "I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are" and I think that's true. I think until you're picked up and put in a maze with no direction whatsoever and you have days where you want to quit and other days where you continue to push forward you don't really know who you are.

It took going through a breakup for me to lose myself and be the person I'm supposed to be.

It's a beautiful sight to see the world so bright after only seeing darkness.

I made it out of the maze.