I will never forget the look on your face when you told me that if I followed my passion, I would get nowhere. I’ll never forget the humor and pity that seemed to fill your eyes and the sarcasm, so thick, that was laced into your tone as you told me that I may want to consider other options when I told you of my dreams after I graduated. I’ll never forget the rock that seemed to settle in the pit of my stomach so instantly or all the prickly feelings in my eyes as tears threatened, and the too hot feeling of a blush rising up my neck and flooding my cheeks as I frantically tried to hide it. I'll never forget that feeling of humiliation that seemed to overwhelm me so quickly. I’ll never forget how quickly you and these feelings made me lose all my trust and faith that I previously had in myself and in my dreams. I’ll never forget any of these things, as they are burned into what feels like every part of my consciousness. And you know what? I’m glad.
I’m glad that you told me I couldn’t do it. I’m glad you put me down. I’m glad that you showed me how fragile I was and how easily shaken my faith in myself was. I’m glad that you shook me. And I’m glad that I fell. Because when I built myself back up again, I was stronger. I laid down a sturdier foundation and built myself back up in spite of you. When I saw just how easy it had been for you to shake me to my core, and how effortlessly you stripped me of all my confidence, faith, and trust in myself, I realized I needed to change.
I realized that I could never let someone make me doubt myself. I realized that it is all on me, and it is MY decision whether I succeed or fail. Not yours. I realized that in order to get to the top, and in order for me to achieve my dreams, I needed to know, with every fiber of my being that it was possible if only I try hard enough.
When I walked away that day, with my shoulders slumped and a sick feeling in my stomach, I felt like a failure. I questioned why I was even trying. And I doubted myself with every fiber of my being. That feeling of hopelessness and of self-doubt was awful. You told me that my dreams were unreachable. But little did you know by telling me I couldn’t, you just made me want it more. When I picked myself back up, I did, so determined to prove you wrong. But more than that, I did so to prove to myself, that I should never let anyone put that kind of doubt in my head again. I am determined now more than ever to reach those dreams that you once told me were so impossible. And you know what? It’s working. I’m getting closer and closer every day to accomplishing my dreams. And as ironic as it sounds, I’m glad that you told me I was not good enough, because now I not only think, but I know that I am.
