Today...

Today...

I will remember.
13
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Today, I will remember the blessings before succumbing to the fears.

Today, I will cherish the sunshine on my face.

Today, I will come face to face with my darker moments and accept them, not reject them.

Today, I will release every anxiety to You.

Today, I will hold onto my joy with ferocity and determination.

Today, I will drink my goal amount of water.

Today, I will take care of my body and eat well and avoid sugars.

Today, I will be kind to others.

Today, I will be kind to myself.

Today, I will strive to be the light You made me.

Today, I will obey Your commandments.

Today, I will make mistakes.

Today, I will be authentic and humble myself.

Today, I will be a defender of truth.

Today, I will be honest with myself.

Today, I will love You with my whole heart.

Today, I will let it go.

Today, I will forgive others.

Today, I will forgive myself.

Today, I will reject materialism and fight for contentedness.

Today, I will remain disciplined.

Today, I will speak life to Your people.

Today, I will be thankful that I am healthy.

Today, I will be thankful for my struggle with illness.

Today, I will remember how much You love me.

Cover Image Credit: Brisbane City Psychologists

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Sorry I'm A Size 00

But I'm not really sorry.
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My whole life I’ve been thin—which is kind of an understatement. Every time I go to the doctor I get the same “you’re underweight” lecture that I’ve heard every year since I was able to form memories. I’ve never really felt insecure about my weight, I love being able to eat everything and not gain a single pound. Since my freshman year of high school I’ve probably only gained 8 pounds and I’m now a sophomore in college. Of course, in school, there were rumors that I was anorexic or bulimic, but everyone who knew me knew that was far from the truth. I’m now 19, 5’2, and I still have yet to break 100 pounds on the scale. It seems that there is a lot of skinny shaming going around and to me, one of the main contributors to that is the Dove Real Beauty campaign.

You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this because skinny girls get all the praise and other body types are neglected. That’s really not true, though. While loving other body types, you are tearing down skinny girls. Why is it okay to do that to skinny girls but not to other body types? Why is it okay to say “only dogs like bones” or say “every body type is beautiful” until you see a model's abs, or ribs, or thigh gap and then tear them down because they’re “unnaturally” skinny?



The point I’m trying to make is that, as a naturally skinny girl, I have never shamed anyone for their body type, yet I go every day and get at least two comments about my weight. I’m always the skinny girl, the toothpick, but I’m not Jessica. Yeah, I’m a size 00. Get over it. If you have an issue with my body and feel like my body is disgusting to you, don’t look at it. I know that I’m healthy and I don’t need your input when my body just naturally burns calories fast. I don’t have an eating disorder and never have. I am real beauty though, and I know that because I’m comfortable in my own skin. So maybe the real issue is that we as a society have been shoving certain body types down our daughters’ throats so they begin to romanticize models that have certain standards that they have to meet, who work hard for the bodies that they have, and are making a hell of a lot more money than most of the people discussing why they look emaciated while what they’re actually looking at is the photoshopped product.

I’m not going to apologize for being skinny when that is just how my body is, I can’t help it. So please, stop tearing my body down while trying to bring your body up. You can praise your body without shaming skinny girls. Shaming me for being thin does not make you better than the man that shamed your body, just as me shaming you for being curvy does not make me better than the man that shamed my body. As women, we need to love each other because we are the only ones who truly understand each other.


Cover Image Credit: Victoria's Secret Untouched

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To The Person Who Never Feels Like Enough

How awful it is to be called beautiful, smart, and strong, and feel alone every night.

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In my 20 years on this planet, at some point during every year I've experienced, there has always been a person or a situation where I didn't feel as if I was enough. In my early years, it was more from being young and naive and just learning how to make friends and talk to people.

I would get rejected from being friends with girls in my class, as young as preschool or I would hear an adult in my life say something and dwell on it for months. Looking back, there has always been a time when being me just didn't seem to fit the part. Going forward a few years, in elementary and middle school, I had my peers make me feel like I was too annoying to be around. This went on throughout all of the years I have been in school in my life.

I get it, people are assholes, but when people start bringing you down and saying little snarky comments about the way you do things and say things, it can take a toll on how you look at yourself. I've had issues my whole early teenage life into the present with my self-confidence. Any job I've been to, there will always be a co-worker or manager or someone who finds me to be an easy target to pick on.

Maybe because I'm nice? Because I'm accepting? I'm never sure.

There can be a happy medium to all of the negativity, though; I can use the setbacks and doubts and use them as fuel to make myself succeed. I had people doubt me when I chose to go to Cosmetology School. Now, I want to be a better makeup artist and be as successful as I can.

At jobs, I've had managers doubt my abilities, and in that situation, I want to prove to them and myself that I can bust my butt working and do a great job at it. I'm still learning how to turn negative people into positive life lessons, but with those things, I've tried to have peace of mind with this situation.

There will always be shitty people who want to bring others down. They find joy in picking apart pieces of other people. So, in some aspect, I have to let that part go. Those people will never be open or kind enough to let others be themselves. Anyone who can't handle me, doesn't need to be in my life. That is truly their loss. That's the mindset I think that everyone should have towards the situations that life brings you.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a perfect person and I definitely don't think like that all the time. I'm still adjusting to switching my brain to think that way. I saw a quote once, and it said, "Don't stress over what you can't control." I thought that was so powerful. It's the truth; that quote is how I would want to live my life, just so I can have more peace of mind with how I look at myself.

I worry about SO many things that I do not have control over. Whether it's a curse or me overthinking, I would love to not worry about what others think about me. I know that I shouldn't care, and I shouldn't give others the time of day, but I am still a young woman just trying to figure out my place in this world.

Not feeling good enough is something that I feel a good amount, but like I said, I'm working on not letting other negative people bring me down.

So, for the meantime, I'll sit back, blast "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen, and not worry about anyone but myself. That's really the only person you can depend on, you know?

Stay positive.

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