Nostalgia is a funny thing. Sometimes, it can make you radiate happiness because you remember times that once meant the world to you. Other times it can overwhelm you with sadness as you find yourself longing to travel back in time. Occasionally though, it can be both of these things. A mixture of joy and heartache, a reason to reminisce and rejoice, but also a source of dread as you think about the future.

Today, I felt this terrible mixture of nostalgia when I saw that it was the three year anniversary of my last high school field hockey game. A game that will forever replay in my mind for more reasons than I care to admit. This was not just the last time I was able to suit up with my teammates, or my last chance to make it to the state championship. This was not just the last game of my high school field hockey career. No, it was more than that.

This was the last time I was able to prove to my team that the last four years of blood, sweat, and tears were worth it. The last time we would sprint up and down that field silently thanking coach for those suicides every practice. The last time we would set up for a corner, celebrate a goal, or drive the ball up the field. This was the last time we would light the fire and truly play with all we had left in us.

This game lives on in my memory because field hockey was not just a hobby for me. It was not simply a sport to play so I didn’t have to go home after school, or to make my college applications look better. Field hockey wasis, a part of my heart and soul, and it has molded me into the person I am today. My team changed me for the better and I am eternally grateful to them.

My team taught me the beauty in trusting others. They taught me how to stop being so hard on myself and to learn from my mistakes. They taught me the importance of having good sportsmanship even when the other team was playing dirty. Most importantly, they taught me that it is okayessential to depend on others because you cannot do everything by yourself. These girls taught me more about life and family than I ever could have imagined.

As I sit here and wish I could go back in time and replay that game over and over again, I must remind myself that all good things come to an end. Sure, I will never put on my uniform again, or read my name in the newspaper after a fantastic game, but I will always remember the lessons I learned throughout my field hockey career. I will always carry myself a little differently because I hold a piece of each teammate in my heart. I will always be proud of the player I once was, and the person I have become because of it.