We met by random circumstance, but everything else was by choice. Our choice. I chose you. You chose me. We chose each other, or at least we did for a while. Because one day, we stopped choosing altogether.
I thought maybe something went wrong and I was too lost in your eyes to see it. Now I am a stranger to your heart and I’m still not sure what went wrong. We never fought once. Maybe that’s where we went wrong, maybe it’s okay to fight. Maybe we were afraid to fight because fighting is all we’ve known from past relationships. But I think we were worth fighting for.
I know we’re young, but I firmly believe we had something. I think we had something that a lot of people live their whole lives yearning for. I don’t know if what we had was love, or if I loved you - but I definitely think I could have. I could have spent the entirety of my life trying to be who you needed. I could have spent the rest of my life being yours.
I don’t think harshly of you. I know not all relationships last, but damn I wish ours would have. I know we had a lot of things going against us - distance, age and goals - but it doesn’t make any of this easier because there’s no closure.
We never had an explosive fight, where our veins popped out of our foreheads or voices scratched from screaming. Hearts beating fast, fists clenched, eyes flooded. We had none of that.
But what we did have was endless conversation. Countless smiles. Ceaseless laughter. Just an unfathomable connection. At least I thought we did. People just don’t give up on a connection like ours, but we did. We just stopped.
Even though we weren’t as long as I had hoped for, I have to thank you. We were short, but we were magic. The way you looked at me is how every girl deserves to be looked at. You looked at me like there was no one else you’d rather have.
Whether I’m romanticizing us or not, I don’t know. But what I do know is how much you meant to me and how I wish you were still in my life, even if we were just friends. Because I would rather have you as a friend than nothing at all.
I hope you find what you’re looking for, even though you didn’t find it in me.
