Ah, the beauty of it all. The angst. The jealousy. The extreme mood swings. The mind games. The disappearing acts. The fighting. The make ups. The breakups. Exciting, isn't it?
Wrong!
Toxic relationships come in all shapes and sizes. As a secondhand observer, I can say toxic relationships are mentally exhausting, not just for the person in the relationship, but for everyone else standing on the sidelines. If you know someone in a toxic relationship, then you can relate.
It breaks my heart to see people I care about wasting their time with someone who fails to see how valuable they are. The worst part is most of them do not even know they are being mistreated. They deny it and you just have to sit back and watch it happen.
If you are in a toxic relationship:
Run as fast as you can. I just had to say it. I know, that it may be hard to want to hear me out but at least make an attempt.
You need to know that you deserve the world. You probably hear that all the time from other people, but it is true. You do. You deserve so much more than what you are getting. You need to know that not all relationships are formulated to be under so much negativity. They aren't supposed to be. You aren't supposed to feel worthless, or anxious, or unimportant. They say the calls, and the jealousy signifies that they care for you. That is an excuse. There are many ways of showing someone that you care about them, and being overly jealous is not one of them. Fighting every night isn't exciting. Being sweet the morning after being hateful, isn't romantic.
You need to realize that ultimately you do have the power in this relationship. You can walk away from it. Yes, they are in the wrong for treating you this way, but you are letting them do it. Walking away might just be the hardest thing you have ever had to do, but you will be taking the power. You will have the say for once. I'm not going to tell you that it will be easy because it won't be. It is going to hurt, but remember the saying "time heals all wounds"? Well, it is true. You will come out so much stronger.
You need to know there are better loves out there than what you are getting right now. There are happier, more exciting, and healthier loves for you to experience. You just have to be willing to experience them. You are incredible, and beautiful, and deserve to be treated the very best. Don't let someone make you think otherwise.
Remember: It is a reflection of themselves, not you.
If you know someone in a toxic relationship:
When it comes to toxic relationships, it is not an "A" and "B" situation. Every friend or family member who is close to either person is affected.
If you know someone in a relationship like the one I'm describing, there are some things you can do to help them. First, you need to understand why they are in the relationship in the first place.
For example, sometimes people stay in toxic relationships because they have been in it for so long that they do not remember what a normal relationship is like.
Some people use time as a means of justifying themselves for staying.
Others assume that because they have been dating for so long that their significant other has to love them.
They think that if they leave this person then they will not be able to find anyone else. These are the people who have a hard time keeping friends or family in their lives for long. You need to let them know that you are here to stay. Sometimes, being friends with them is frustrating, but ending the friendship is just going to give them another reason to stay in their relationship. You need to show them what love should be like. Encourage them. Surprise them. Listen to them. If you are in a healthy relationship, tell them things about your relationship to show them a different perspective. Give them advise, without being too blunt, but stand your ground. Don't agree with them when they make up excuses. Be honest about your opinion, but be understanding of theirs.
Ultimately, it is their choice to stay. You can give them advise until you are blue in the face, but if they want to be with that person than they will do so. All you can do is be a good friend to them. Listen to them, help them, and when it all comes crashing down--refrain from saying the "I told you so's". I know it can be frustrating to watch someone you love not get treated the way they should, but all you can do is be a good friend to them. You don't want to lose a friend over something like this.
"Poisonous relationships can alter our perception. You can spend many years thinking you're worthless...But you're not worthless, you are underappreciated." - Dr. Steve Maraboli
