To The One Who Sees The Real Me

To The One Who Sees The Real Me

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once." John Green
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You know, I’m twenty years old. And to a lot of people, that’s still really young to even be talking about love, but here I am… fixing to write a whole article about it. I have always had an idea of what I figured love was like. To me love was like the 1 Corinthians verse:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres”.

Love was something I had always wanted, and I always figured it was like in fairytales until I met reality. When you think it's all over and done with and you're never going to find love, that's when God laughs and gives you everything you asked for. He always has a bigger plan that you can't see for when you decide you're going to give up. So to me, my bigger plan was you. This letter is to just say… thank you.

You were the boy that I had only known of in high school, you were the cool kid, the one that all of us younger girls knew and just adored. Never in a million years would I of ever guessed that years done the road I would be with you but here I am… living the dream. The first time I met you I knew you were so special and I couldn’t wait to see where things were going to go with us.

I know this year has been such a blessing for you to have been graced with my presence for this long (juuuust kidding), but just know this year has been the same for me. Because before you, I never knew what it was like to have someone actually want to spend all of their time with me. But you do, and you never complain anytime we are together and I am cranky or upset. You try to make me feel better and make me laugh and you literally never fail. You made my harsh reality of love become what I had always dreamed; an absolute fairytale (Cinderalla, because I'm a princess... duh).

You are the kindest and gentlest man that I have ever known. You are so soft-hearted and care more about my feelings than your own. I never knew what it was like to have a love so selfless and pure and true until you showed it to me. You always go out of your way to do things for me that I probably don’t deserve at all, but you think so anyway.

In the past year, we have had our fair share of arguments and disagreements. Many times we have gotten on each other’s nerves and many times we have had arguments, but they never seem to do anything but make us stronger. You have a hard time apologizing and making the words, “I’m sorry” come out of your mouth, but so do I. We’re both stubborn but it literally never stops us from making up and loving each other more.

You support my shopping habits…well, I shouldn’t say you support them, but you acknowledge that I have a problem and you don’t try to change it. I’m very high maintenance and have love to shop and spend money (thank the Lord I’m getting an education) and you’re very sensible and simple. You balance me.

You’re always there through every mood swing that I have and you’re always there to mellow me out during the end of the semester when I am stressing hardcore over my grades. And when I manage to pull it off… you never act surprised because you say that you always believed in me and you tell me how proud you are.

See, we’re complete opposites. You’re the mellow, quiet and polite one. I’m the high-strung, loud and direct one. You’re the yin to my yang and you balance me out and help me see when I am being ridiculous… it might not happen right at that moment but I see it eventually. Many times you have seen the real me, the one not many people know, and you don't run... even when I feel like you're going to. I know I am a lot to handle but thank goodness you do it and you hardly ever complain. You’re my person in this world and I hope you always choose me and love me in the end. Because to me… you, and our love fits my idea of what I thought it would always be like… it fits the verse perfectly.

So thank you for loving me when I am ridiculous, I don’t always deserve it. Thank you for the countless amounts of dinners you have paid for and made for me personally. Thank you for supporting my sushi addictions and understanding that I have an addiction to fruit by the foots. Thank you for letting me be the person who holds your hand when we’re riding in the truck, and for being the person you grace your beautiful singing abilities with. Thank you for all of the wonderful memories and for never failing to make me laugh. Thank you for learning to accept the fact that I just love to post pictures and videos of you on Snapchat, and for never failing to tell me how much you love me.

You’ll never know how much you have changed my whole outlook (slowly but surely) on things. Thank you for dealing with my mood swings and for taking me to get ice cream literally after every meal. I love you more than words.

Thank you for being the best.


Love,
Chip

Cover Image Credit: Tayla Arnold

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The Truth About Dating A Girl With An Anxiety Disorder

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Anxiety: A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior or panic attacks.

The definition makes it sound really daunting. Truthfully, there is no one way to describe generalized anxiety disorder if you have it. It is hard to live with, hard to cope with and unfortunately, really hard to date with.

Girls with anxiety are different than the average girl when it comes to relationships. That's just an honest statement, no matter how much it hurts me to say it.

We need the constant reminder that you love us, even though we know in our hearts that you do. We panic when you don't answer your phone, in fear that we did something wrong. We care about your feelings when you say that we don't need to worry and we need to be a little calmer. But it's so damn hard.

It isn't easy to love someone who worries about everything 24/7. Half the time, we know we shouldn't be doing the things we do. We know we shouldn't blow up your phone or ask just one more time if you are mad at us. But we can't help it. It says it right in the definition: compulsive behavior due to excessive uneasiness.

Being with a girl with anxiety is probably downright exhausting. It's exhausting for us to have our minds constantly running and worrying. But I promise it's worth it.

We come to you with everything because you are the one person who always knows how to make us feel better. When we are happy, you are the one person we want to be happy with. We all know the constant reassurance, reminders and the same old arguments get old. It gets old to us too.

There was never a time I wanted to have a panic attack because my boyfriend wasn't answering his phone. In my head, I knew where he was because he was usually in the same three places. I knew he wasn't mad at me because I didn't do anything to make him upset. I knew how busy he was with his classes and he was probably studying and I needed to give him space. But the little voice in my head always argued, "What if you did something wrong? What if he's ignoring you because he's angry? What if he's seen your messages and calls, but no longer wants to be with you?" And then I give in. I call, I text, I cry, I panic. Only to feel even worse 10, 30 or 50 minutes later because you answer angrily, telling me what I already knew after I did what I knew I shouldn't have done.

Having anxiety is almost like having a drug addiction. You know all the things that trigger you. You know all the ways to stay away from the bad places in your mind so you don't end up relapsing. But you do anyway and it hurts worse every single time.

Dating a girl with anxiety is as hard as it gets, but she will love you like no other. She is so incredibly thankful for all the things you put up with to be with her. Because she is worried about being loved, she goes the extra mile to always remind you how much you are loved. She always asks if you are ok because she cares about the answer and knows what it's like not to be ok.

The truth is that dating anybody with anxiety is difficult, but it isn't impossible. You get back everything you put in, even though you may not realize it. Trust me, she is sorry for being the annoying, crying, worried, naggy mess and it embarrasses her because she knows better and she wants to be better for you. But please love her. Hold her, understand her, listen to her, calm her, be there for her. In your heart, you know she would turn around and do all the same things for you in a heartbeat.

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The 7 Stages Of A Breakup, As Told By Netflix's 'Someone Great'

Alexa play "Truth Hurts" by Lizzo, and max volume, please.

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We all know how it feels to get your heart broken by a guy. Whether it be in your teens or in your 30s, everyone experiences it, or already has. After watching the movie “Someone Great" on Netflix, it hit me deep in my feels. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It made me realize all of the stages of going through a rough breakup, and I could not relate to a movie more.

1. When you first breakup and will cry about it to just about anyone

We all know that we do this almost immediately after a break-up. You are just trying to get out of the house so you go to the store, something reminds you of our ex, and next thing you know, you're talking the stranger's ear off in the grocery store for the next 2 hours.

2. When your friends call you and you say you're fine but you really haven't moved from your couch in two days and all you have done is eat two gallons of ice cream and watch "The Notebook" on repeat

"Just come do something with us, or let us come there."

"Nah, I'm okay, I actually have a super busy day today."

Yeah, if you mean busy as in binge-watching every episode of "Pretty Little Liars," then yeah, count me out of all plans so I can rewatch every episode for the next 3 weeks. We all know that feeling of not wanting to move out of bed for as long as you can after a break-up.

3. When that ONE song comes on at the mall, and you suddenly realize it was "your" song

This one hits differently. You're literally just minding your own business, trying to treat yourself to a little bit of a wardrobe change because of how sad you have been all week and BAM, it hits you like a train. Next thing you know you're crying in the dressing room of Forever 21 wondering where it all went wrong.

4. Finally caving in and hanging with your friends, realizing that this is what you needed all along

You never want to leave your bed after a breakup, you seem to cancel or bail out on every plan you try to make, then finally, after you have run out of tears, you actually follow through with a girl's night, and then you suddenly realize that all along, just time spent with the gals is what you needed. Trust me, been there, done that. In most cases, a dance party is also well needed.

5. The morning after your girl’s night, you realize that having these gals is better than the boy 

Having your girls there for you in such a tough time actually helps so much. It helps save the tears, the constant replaying of memories in your head, and saves you the time you could be wasting if you're sinking into a deep sadness over something so dumb. That support system is vital for post-breakup, and even I know that.

6. You let him go one last time

Whether it be writing a letter, throwing away all your old memories with him, or by finally getting all your clothes back from his place that have piled up over the past few months or years. It is a truly bittersweet feeling and might even hurt a little, but it's time. You're going to thrive without him.

7. You truly know how much better you’re doing without him

You have reached the point of no return. You’re finally thriving without him. You’re never going back, and you know how much potential your life has and how much better you are without him. Your heart is whole again.

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