To The One Who Loved Me Even When I Didn’t Love Myself
Swoon

To The One Who Loved Me Even When I Didn’t Love Myself

Thank you for everything Mama.

128
To The One Who Loved Me Even When I Didn’t Love Myself
Self photo

The act of loving myself was a very hard and progressive journey.

There were days where I’d take it out on everyone around me, especially those closest to me. Days where I would shut myself in my room and cry all day. Days where I’d fall asleep hoping to never wake up. There were so many days where I thought I was unlovable. Sometimes I even felt unloved, but looking back there was always that one person who never, and I mean never, missed a beat.

That person just so happened to be my Mama.

She spent many sleepless nights crying and praying that I would soon discover who I am, who she saw in me my entire life. She would spend hours trying to help me in any way she knew how, even when I resisted and tried to turn it into self pity. She felt my pain, sometimes even harder than I did. It took a toll on her, but nevertheless she persisted in loving me. She never stopped. She prayed for me every single day. She still does. Sometimes she felt like a failure, like all of my pain was somehow her fault. She would try to bear the weight of my hurt on her shoulders in attempt to ease the pain I was putting myself through.

I failed to understand her actions. I tried to shut her out.

I hurt her in so many ways, but never once did she stop loving me or supporting me.

Now as a girl who knows and loves who she is to the core, I am so grateful for her and everything she did for me throughout that emotional period of my life. I’m thankful for the tears she cried. I’m thankful for the prayers she prayed. I am grateful for her unfailing love and support. I’m grateful that she never stopped loving me even when I gave her a million reasons to. I’m grateful that she still loves me after all of it, and never fails to show me how proud she is of me.

She is the absolute definition of Mom.

She has never failed her role, even though she often feels like she has.

She is inspiring. She inspires me to be who I am everyday. She supports ALMOST all of my ideas, and the ones that she doesn’t support are because she sees things far more logically than I ever will. She makes sure that my goals are acheivable so that I don’t hurt myself trying to chase them.

She is beautiful. I brag of her beauty often because I see all that she is and all that she has achieved. I see her strength to conquer anything she faces. I see her smile that hides so many tears. I see the way she walks around so bravely after everything she has been through. I see a woman that fears God so intensfully. I see the person who bears the weight of so much and so many on her shoulders, but never fails to let it change who she is. I see her for all that she is. I see that she often feels alone and broken, but she never lets it control her actions. I see a woman who rocks natural. She rocks grey hair. I see the most beautiful woman within her. Inside and out.

She is hardworking. You can ask anyone who knows her. The first thing they’ll say when you mention her name is about how she never slows down, she doesn’t. She somehow manages a full time job, three daughters, being a full time college student, being a preacher’s wife, being a sales representative for Mary & Martha, a caretaker for her mother-in-law, and she still somehow manages to spend time with the people she loves. She does it all. She’s a go getter. She’s crafty. She can do anything she sets her mind to. Literally.

She is faithful. She is loyal. She loves everyone, but you know when you are hers. She cares about people. She never fails to make sure all needs are met for the people she loves the most. She is faithful to my daddy. She is faithful to my sisters and I. She is most faithful to God. She has a servant heart. She is obedient, and does everything in her power to fulfill God’s Will for her life.

She knows who she is, and whose she is. She carries herself well. She knows who she is, and never tries to be anyone else. She loves herself and knows that she was simply created to fulfill what she was called to do, and that’s exactly what she does. She’s real. She never sugar coats anything. She tells you how it is, and whether you like it or not, it’s always exactly what you need to hear. She knows she is HIS. She knows she’s a daughter of the King, and she tries to live her life up to his expectations. She knows her purpose, and she fulfills it everyday.

She is a lover. When she loves you, you know. She never hides her love. She will do everything in her power to make you feel it everyday. She puts others before herself. If you are happy, it genuinely makes her happy. She is supportive. She helps where she sees a need. She loves endlessly. You’ll never do anything to make her not love you. She may not like you, but she will love you regardless. She does her absolute best to love like Jesus does, and more often than not, she succeeds.

To say I’m thankful for who she is or what she has done for me would be an absolute understatement.

She gave me life, but she also gave me my wings. In the worst period of my life, she was there for me. She never left my side. She supported me even when I did everything in my power to push her away. She loved me when I was almost unlovable. She’s supported everything I’ve ever done whether she thought it was a good idea or not. She allowed me to find myself on my own, so that I would know who I am wholely.

She’s my biggest supporter and my bestfriend. Life without her, well wouldn’t be life at all. I’m thankful for everything she has done for me, and everything that she continues to do on a day-to-day basis.

Mama,

Thank you for everything. Thank you for never failing to love me even when it pained your heart. I’ll forever look up to you as my hero. Thank you for being my biggest fan. Thank you for giving me the life I now love so much. Thank you for always making sure I had everything I needed even when it meant you had to go without. Thank you for never letting me be treated less than I deserve. Thank you for being you. Thank you. So. Much. I love you with all of my heart. You’ll forever be my person. You’ll forever be my bestfriend. You’ll forever be my strongest critic, but also my biggest fan. You’ll forever be the greatest mom.

You deserve the world Mama, but thank you so much for settling for less. Thank you for settling for us.

I love you beyond the Stars.

Thank you for it all.

“If I turn into my mother, or even half the woman she is, I’ll consider my life a successful one.”

Report this Content
Swoon

119 People Reveal How The Pandemic Has Affected Their Love Lives, And Honestly... Relatable

"I haven't been able to get out of the 'talking phase' with anyone."

The reality is, there's no part of life the pandemic hasn't affected. Whether it's your work life, your home life, your social life, or your love life, coronavirus (COVID-19) is wreaking havoc on just about everything — not to mention people's health.

When it comes to romance, in particular, people are all handling things differently and there's no "right way" of making it through, regardless of your relationship status (single, taken, married, divorced, you name it). So, some of Swoon's creators sought out to hear from various individuals on how exactly their love lives have been affected since quarantine began.

Keep Reading... Show less
Entertainment

7 Things You Need To Know About Our NEW Bachelorette, Tayshia Adams

Could THIS be the most dramatic season in "Bachelorette" history?

Bombshell news coming from Bachelor Nation today, Tayshia Adams is replacing Clare Crawley as the bachelorette!

Rumor has it that Clare found her person early on in the process and did not want to continue with the process of leading other men on throughout the season.

Keep Reading... Show less

The NBA is back, and for basketball fans, like myself, it has been the BEST news we have heard since COVID-19 shutdown play indefinitely. I mean, come on, we need to see if James Harden can once again perform so well he has back-to-back 50 point games, Kawhi can lead another team to the championship title, and whether Giannis is going to be back-to-back MVP... among like 500 other things running through our heads!

In the midst of all of the amazing statistics and records that these players are breaking, though, we also just love the NBA because well, there are some pretty good looking guys out there. Here are the 19 hottest NBA players (in no particular order) you would totally let slam dunk on you now that the NBA has returned.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

Everything You Need To Know About Macronutrients, Because A Diet Should Be More Than Calories

Pay attention to what you're eating, not just how much you're eating.

Plenty of people are familiar with the "calories in, calories out" (CICO) method of dieting which can be used for losing, gaining, or maintaining weight. This method relies on calculating a person's total daily energy expenditure (TDEE) to ensure that they are not overeating or undereating to achieve their desired weight. TDEE considers a person's height, weight, age, gender, and level of activity to determine what their caloric intake should be — some calculators can factor in body fat percentage as well. When I used a TDEE calculator online, it said that my TDEE would be 1,990 calories if I was trying to maintain my weight, but are all calories created equal? I'd argue that they're not.

It might seem obvious to some of you that 1,990 calories of macaroni and cheese are not healthy at all compared to 1,990 calories of varied foods (fruit, veggies, meat, bread, etc.).

Keep Reading... Show less
Swoon

Just Because You're Asked To Be In A Wedding, Doesn't Always Mean You Should Say Yes

If you can't invest time, money, and YOURSELF, maybe say no to the offer for the bride's sake!

Being in a wedding is a really big commitment. I personally think if you've never been in one before, you don't understand the time, money, and energy that goes into being a part of it.

Keep Reading... Show less

- Though as a little girl, I had the silkiest, softest hair that would get compliments everywhere I went, since I turned about thirteen I've since had coarse, dry hair no amount of deep conditioning masks or sulfate-free shampoo could fix.

- I started using the Raincry's Condition Boar Bristle Brush several months ago, and while I noticed that my hair had been softer, silkier, and shinier than it had ever been, I didn't make the connection because I never thought a simple hairbrush could make any difference in my hair texture.

- I will be the first to admit that I thought it was ridiculous to spend nearly a hundred dollars on a hairbrush, but this one eliminates the need for me to use any heat tools or styling products on it.

- I put some oil or a serum in my hair when it's wet, brush my hair with the boar bristle brush once it's dry, and end up with the lowest maintenance, shiniest hair I've had since I was 8 years old.

@raincrybeauty

Keep Reading... Show less
YouTube

Bingeing a romantic comedy is always a good idea, and during this pandemic, these movies bring us one of the only elements of romance we can get. Through all the break-ups, obstacles, and struggles in our love lives, romantic comedies have always been there to make us laugh and keep us company while we cry.

While we love these movies for the beyond gorgeous male love interests, the female protagonists are still the ones we always remember. Although rom-coms are far from reality, it is always fun to imagine what our life would be like if a cinematic studio was behind our love life. So what does your favorite romantic comedies say about your dream guy?

Keep Reading... Show less

Whether you're in an unhealthy relationship currently, you know someone who is, or you just want to have these numbers saved just in case it could one day save someone's life (if not your own), this article is for you. Here are three numbers to save in your contacts ASAP so you can always be safe, both physically and mentally, in every relationship.

Keep Reading... Show less

As any poor college student, a little kick of caffeine for less than a dollar has always sounded great to me. So, naturally, AriZona Iced Tea has been a go-to for as long as I can remember.

Keep Reading... Show less
Politics and Activism

Dear Closeted Latina,

You were never alone.

Remember how the Latin world got rocked when Ricky Martin came out?

Keep Reading... Show less

If you're anything like me, you're probably anxious about going back to college. The uncertainty of nearly everything is stressful and makes it difficult to prepare for going back to campus. Take it one step at a time and remain calm! If nothing else, take a look at this list of six essentials for living on campus during the COVID-19 pandemic! You got this!

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments