You ask yourself all the time if there is something wrong with you. You wonder if you’re ugly, boring or just a horrible person to be around. But, how can you think this way? You are successful! You’ve got things going for you. But yet, you’re still alone, not even an eye out for anyone or anyone having an eye out for you. You’re thinking there are no fish in the sea for you. Are you too picky? Do you have to re-evaluate your standards? Are you just too intimidating? Or, are you waiting? Waiting for someone that is worth your time (something you have plenty of). Time that maybe you’re not ready to give up to someone you’re afraid might waste it. Maybe you’re just too scared to get your heartbroken, that you avoid relationships at all cost. Maybe you’re just waiting for the right one. And that is OK because you’re not alone.
For years I have wondered why it’s hard for me, and many others, to become open to the idea of being in a relationship. And finally, I have come to realize the many reasons that stop a lot of people from taking a leap into the dating world. If you can relate to this, please do not hesitate to laugh, cry, or share with a friend!
1. You love your independence
Most people who have never been in a relationship have no idea how much time is spent with the other person. Being with somebody, I would suspect, takes a lot of time out your day. You text, talk, cuddle, Netflix and “chill," go on dates and all that jazz! But, for someone that has never really been in a serious relationship, I would imagine that it would be hard to take time out of your day to consider someone else’s needs. You have to be there to listen, give advice, comfort and support when needed. These are things that independent people have done, but not for someone consistently within their life. You would have to put your partner before you. Ask yourself, is that something you’re ready for?
If it is, great! Start looking for someone who will support you just as much as you support them in times of need. Make sure they understand that you’re new to the dating scene, so if you tend to forget to listen to them they’ll remind you. But, if you’re not ready to give up any sliver of your time just yet, but still want a relationship, practice by making time for a friend you haven’t seen in a while or take someone with you the next time you do something like got to the bank. Or getting groceries, maybe even Pokémon hunting. But, in all seriousness, if you love your independence and are not ready to set aside your time for somebody else, keep doing you and things will eventually fall into place.
2. You're afraid of "falling"
Now, falling for someone is when you’re crushing really hard, but you’re not even in a relationship. I’m taking like elementary school doodles in your binder of your crushes’ name, or how Jack Dawson fell for Rose in "Titanic." When falling, don’t even try to hide it, because it is completely obvious you got the hots for your crush. Any way you want look at it, “falling” is not that hard to do. If you spend enough time with a person, and like the way they carry themselves, or maybe the way they acknowledge you; that can cause you to start a deep dive into a new pool of things you will notice later that will make you eventually head over heels. Sometimes you don't even realize you have been falling for somebody until a friend, family or even the person you have be hung up on tells you.
Most people have this deathly fear of falling, only because it is possible to get hurt even if you haven’t even landed yet. When this happens, you’re bruised up pretty badly. You feel as if you’ve wasted your time, energy, and sadly sometime tears on someone that wouldn’t even bother catching you in the first place.The person you’re falling for might not feel the same way, and may just see you as a friend. (Yes, getting friendzoned happens to everyone.) Or, maybe they’re falling for someone else. But, avoiding the fall does not mean you can’t get hurt. Not taking a chance on someone can be more damaging than doing so. I mean, if you never spend time with someone you won’t ever know if they’re right for you or not. You’ll always be questioning, and eventually you’ll lose your chance. Don’t be afraid to fall, because it happens to everyone.
3. You might be too picky. Which is totally OK!
If you’re wondering, why you don’t have dates lined up is probably because you’re blinded by what you want. If you have a checklist of what you want in a partner, you’re going to struggle to see who is longing for your attention. Now, I’m not saying you have to lower standards if you don’t feel the need to. But, if you want to be in a relationship you have to be open to people who are not your exact vision of what you want. How are you going to find someone that is smart, funny and has a good music taste if all you’re looking at is if they are six foot whatever with an A1 bod? You’re not going to find someone if you have an unrealistic expectation that they’re going to be hot like Ryan Gosling, write you love poems like E.E. Cummings, and understands your independence. You’re not going to get somebody that resembles Blake Lively, cooks like Rachel Ray, and obeys your every command. You’re just not going to find this. How do I know this? I am, my friends, probably the pickiest person you will ever meet.
I’m starting to accept my prince charming won’t be the first guy I go out with. He won’t be out of a book or movie, but he will be real. These unattainable standards that a lot of us want in a partner are unattainable for a reason. If they treat you right, if they think you're a supermodel whether in sweats or groomed, and they’re perfect in your eyes, that check list doesn’t matter.
“Love looks not with eyes, but with the mind.” -Shakespeare
4. You doubt yourself.
This one happens to all of us at one point. Whether you’re an active in the dating scene or have just dipped your toe in a sea full of fish. You doubt if you’re ready to put yourself back out there, or if you’re ready to be out there at all. To be honest, self-doubt gets you nowhere! Coming from a girl that at times think she is not all that, and at the next moment thinks she is Beyoncé. My advice to both situations in this rut: don’t think of yourself as anything less than who you are. Remember that you have things going for you; if that is school, a good paying job or your followers on Instagram. Always remember you’re amazing and anyone would be lucky to have you!
5. The right one.
Now there are shows, movies, books and even commercials on finding the “right one." That one person who is your best friend, partner in crime and supporter all in one. The person that gives you that foot poppin’ kiss like in "Princess Diaries," or my favorite, someone that would steal a blue French horn for you or a yellow umbrella from you. ("How I Met Your Mother" is so good!). Anyway, the point is that the right one might take a while for you to find. It’s up to you if you want to wait around for them or look for them yourself. They’re not going to fall into your lap, sweep you off of your feet and know you right away. It takes work, time and energy to find the right one. But they’re out there, and no matter how long it takes you to find them, you should never stop waiting or looking. Which ever you prefer.
Well, that’s all I have for you guys! There are many more reasons people choose to wait. Some don’t apply to everybody, and some might not be apparent to you yet. But, once you realize why you’re waiting or why you’re scared, or maybe just not ready, it takes a huge weight off you. And don’t worry you’re not alone.
From,
The Lovely Waiting
