I walked over the Rio Grande Gorge Bridge yesterday.
It was a beautiful sight, being thousands of feet above the ground and nothing but a small river and broken rocks below you. You could see for miles, and the turns of the gorge made your insides breathe and your soul free. You were encased in the sky and there was nothing but cement and thousands of empty feet underneath you. It felt inspiring. It felt breathtaking.
Until I saw the names, and the notes etched in the sides of the railing. Until I saw the suicide hotline box in the middle of the bridge. Until I realised that the hundreds of flags tied to the railing poles were not in celebration of some Holiday and were instead in remembrance for those who had more courage to jump then to push the red button and call for help.
I felt heavy as I lightly dragged my fingertips along the railing, feeling the presence of each and every being that felt exactly the way I did. You see, it hit me like a freight train as I glanced over the edge of the bridge down at the bottom, thinking of every single person who felt so alone, with nobody to save them, without enough strength to give life a chance, to give life another go.
So, the bridge made me think of the world. Of how many kids face things like depression and abuse, and all of the kids who would rather kill themselves instead of see the next morning. I was inspired by this tragically beautiful place, so I sat down tonight with tears in my eyes, writing to you.
There’s a few things I want you to know...
First, that even though the world seems against you, and the sky seems dark and you can’t understand how the stars can still shine and the world can still turn, you are worth it. You are worth the entire universe, regardless of your mistakes, of your flaws, of your fears and you're late nights spent thinking, “Would anyone care if I disappeared?”, why? Because this world is here for you to explore, you are here to share your story and show your talent and chase your dreams. You are here to find yourself, and honestly, who the hell wouldn’t take advantage of having the world at their fingertips?
Second, don’t be afraid. This world is a pretty scary place, with demons the size of Texas and people who want nothing more than to see you fail. But, if you focus less on the monsters under your bed and the pain in your heart, you will find that, even with demons, this world isn’t as scary as it seems. Have the courage to stick up for yourself, because, if you don’t have courage, you have nothing.
Third, you're not alone. Whether your parents are drug addicts, you have no friends, or every person in the school seems to give you dirty looks and makes sly remarks under their breath, you are not alone. Whether you're sibling is dead or your significant other just left you, you are not alone. There is an entire world full of people that want to know you and everything you are, including me. If you ever find yourself alone, remember that with a single call, you will find a friend.
Fourth, love yourself. This may be the hardest damn thing in the world to learn, and I still struggle with it every day. But, you are not the scars on your body, and you are not the pain in your heart. You are not the hardships you have faced, or the mental illness binding your mind, and the more you come to learn that, the less ugly this world will become.
Fifth, never give up. It may sound cliche, but I am serious. Push yourself every single day to find something beautiful. Find one thing to be grateful for every time you wake up. Surround yourself with love, and remember, those who don’t appreciate you, dont know you. Love yourself, and the rest of the world will fall into place.
So this is to every kid who ever felt alone. To every kid who cut their wrists in hopes to feel something. To every single one of you who couldn’t find beauty in a single thing, to the point of wanting to end it all. This is to you, and everything you are worth, everything you lacked to see, everything you are, your hopes, your dreams, you're strength to hold on.
If you are in need of help, or know someone who is, don’t stay silent. Make the call. Save a life.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
1-800-273-8255
