I've never known exactly where I'm going or what I'm doing.

I've never been confident in my appearance, or my intelligence, or my abilities. Self-confidence is not my strong suit, and I take any chance I get to tear myself down. Why? I'm not quite sure. I guess I've always conditioned myself to think that I'll never be enough. My brain likes to trick me into thinking that I'll never settle anywhere, that I'll never truly be a part of anything. It's gone on like this for quite some time. All of the nights I've cried myself to sleep, the tissues I've used to wipe away the tears, the isolation. I was on autopilot, numbly going through the motions, and for some reason, I was okay with it. When you keep getting lower and lower and hit your lowest, you don't have the motivation to change. It was a cycle that became...comfortable. I never knew of anything else.

Coming into my junior year of college, I felt lost and alone and at rock bottom. I didn't want to know anybody, do anything, be anyone. I felt worthless. I didn't think anyone could pull me out of this rut that's been my life for too long. But something snapped me into gear. Something revolutionary has taken hold of me and I've gone through probably the biggest change I've ever gone through. Everything transformed when I realized that I was the one who had to do this. I had to be the one to take initiative, raising my standards and knowing that treating myself like this wasn't okay. My future is right in front me, a future that I can tailor to fit my wants and needs. I can do this.

Do not limit yourself to the ideas that you think are only dreams. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. I know this sounds unbelievably cheesy, and you're probably tempted to exit out and go click on something more interesting. But hear me out.

I've changed for the better. So many people have come up to me and complimented me on my writing and the way I present myself. My smile gets bigger and bigger with each "Your outfit is so cute!" and "I loved your latest blog post". I can't quite explain what happened. It wasn't any one event that changed me, it was a culmination. It's been a long time coming.

I deserve to feel happy and loved and beautiful, and no one has the right to tell me otherwise.

Don't tear yourself down; pour every ounce of energy into crafting yourself into who you want to see in the mirror. It's all about perception. How you view yourself reflects onto how other people will treat you, and trust me, I've learned that the hard way. If you want to be a writer, write and write and don't stop until you've got something you're proud of. That's how I've grappled with my extremely low self-confidence. I feel better about myself when I find my space, have my favorite movie soundtrack playing in the background, and write carelessly for hours. It's how I know that writing is for me.

I'm happier. I'm more carefree. I love putting together cute outfits to present to the world every day (thanks for discount designer clothes Goodwill, you never let me down). I've purchased way too many lipsticks and wear them almost every day (I personally apologize to my bank account, I promise you'll be replenished soon). They seem insignificant but they mean the world to me. They make me feel beautiful and I haven't felt like that in the longest time. It's a nice change of pace.

Take advantage of the little things. They add up. I've dedicated myself to my writing and communication skills, taking amazing classes and creating a personal blog as well as joining the Odyssey, both of which have given me a creative outlet. It's the outlet that I've been searching for.

Growing and taking steps down the path towards your future are not impossible. Where you imagine yourself in 5 years doesn't have to just be a fantasy, because it's not unreachable. You are your own worst enemy when you constantly put yourself down. This reminds me of a quote I've seen pop up on Facebook so many times: would you ever be friends with someone who treats you the way you treat yourself? No? Then why do you continue to bully yourself like this?

To the girls with big dreams, you can do anything you set out to do. Try and try and try again, fight for what you want, and above all: don't let the voices in your head fool you any longer. They're out to get you, but you have the power to fight against them. I know it. You're beautiful and worthy of the entire world, every single one of you.

I have a rough plan to get me on the path to success: keep my grades up, get through this year and senior year as best as I can, and when the time comes, spread my wings and head off to a big city for grad school. Every time I've mentioned grad school, I've been left with a look of disdain and/or disbelief. "You're going to grad school? Why? I want to be done with school ASAP." This may come as a shock, but I adore learning. I love the routines and the classes and the cute planners I can buy to organize myself with. I know, I know, it's crazy expensive and will be much much harder than college, but I want to do it. It's going to pave the way to my future career, one that I'm going to love. I'm determined to shape my life into something where I feel excited to get up and take on the day. For so many days and nights, I've been miserable. But it's slowly changing. I'm changing.

I classify myself as both a writer and a dreamer. And I wouldn't have it any other way.