What is Love in today's society and meaning? Is there even dating anymore?
We grow up watching models of love stories from our parents, grandparents, television and movies, and they become something we expect to happen. When really there is no "fairy tale", because of how vast, unique and different everything is today. Things are "complicated", no one goes through the process the same anymore. We have crushes, people we like, and maybe go on dates, or straight to a relationship, and sometimes some of us spend time waiting.
I don't think there's anything wrong with the different types of relationships, everyone finds happiness somewhere, in their own way. We're all free to live our own lives, but it can be a confusing world so easily.
When I was 12 I started seeing classmates dating or "shipped" as a couple. It was cute, it was new, it was something everyone was starting to get into.
When I entered High School you saw it more frequently, people together. Valentines day every year you'd see classes with people getting plastic roses delivered by "secret admirers".
By the time I graduated High School some couples would go on to continue to be "High School Sweethearts", or find someone.
The older you get, you just get used to certain things. I never recieved a rose on valentines day, or even asked on a date. I've had a share of flirtations, and my book isn't completely empty, but there's a small section missing. By now I've gone so long without some of those small things, it almost seems impossible.
I've never been in the position where I've been in love with someone. I've become afraid of that, because truely, I don't know how. You know how it works, but you just don't know what to do. Not knowing what the feeling is, not being able to tell if you love someone back, it's terrifying. Your heart is locked in a cage for so long, that even when the door is unlocked, it's comfortable where it is. You have something right there in front of you, and you draw a blank. You're afraid to lose it, but afraid you'll keep it for the wrong reasons.
It's weird to say that one could be less afraid of falling out of love, or getting it broken, and more afraid of not being able to be, and breaking someone else's. I watch 12, 13 year old's in relationships and I ask "How does that even work?" It makes you think you're doing something wrong, or have.
They say things take time, and I suppose so. But it's a lonely feeling that turns into an empty one. Of course I love people, and I know how to show it. But there's that one spot I can't fill. It knocks you on your feet.
To all the ladies out there who feel the same way, one day, it will be our turn. It may be what we always hear, and may lose hope in thinking, but it may just be greater than what we could've found at fourteen. There are many little things that fill our hearts, and make us smile in a different way. Even if they are temporary, hold onto them for the rainy days. Don't be suprised what turns up at your door, for we can't expect everything. The best things are unexpected sometimes.
It's confusing, but don't lose hope. Someday someone will come into our lives and teach us what we're trying to learn, and give us answers to our questions. I myself am unsure of when that'll happen, and I'm taking it in steps. The key is to not rush it, or think to much about it. I've learned to go with the flow in a lot of scenarious, and this is an area I'm trying to. It's payed off in ways, and left me more confused in others. But at least I can feel and learn something.
My life has yet to not be complicated, and whoever ends up with me is going to have a hell of alot to put up with. And I'm sure they'll be just the same to me, and I look foward to it. That could be happening in front of me without me even noticing, or could be years from now. There's no way to truely know, which itself is scary. Not knowing is what drives us to seek out answers. It's frustrating when we struggle to find them, but it's what our lives lead to. Sometimes our weaknesses become our strengths.
So let your fear drive you, and not take over you. It'll make sense at some point.
