The last semester of my senior year of high school gave me the worst months of my life. At least, I thought so at the time. I had never felt the kind of pain, betrayal, and sadness that I had felt that semester. I cried consistently. I couldn’t eat for weeks and when I tried to sleep it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I stopped caring about school, my values, and ultimately, myself. And the cause? My high school boyfriend broke up with me (among other things).

I can re-read that snippet over and over and all I feel now is... confused, pathetic, and weak.

There I was, 17 years old, thinking my life was over. Meanwhile, people were burying their loved ones, starving, being murdered for their religion, and stripped of their rights for their life choices. But there I was. Sobbing over a boy.

Mind you, the boy wasn’t just any boy. He was my first everything. He made me feel beautiful and special and he encouraged me and he loved me. I gave everything to him and we spent every moment possible together. We went on family trips together, travelled to cities for the day just to explore together, we were each other’s first loves... and that will never go away. But neither will the pain of his betrayal, of his sudden lack of caring, of his changes in personality. Or so I thought.

Of course, now it is much different. Not seeing that boy for nearly a year in addition to being reminded constantly of how he has hurt me and why he isn’t good for me by my friends aided in the healing process. It is easier now to see with a clear mind that he wasn’t worth the level of pain that I felt, and I wish I could go back and tell myself that I would be just fine. But I can’t. Although I moved on and am past it, he is still a part of my past. He still crosses my mind often and I don’t understand why.

Young love, or rather your first love, is probably one of the sweetest experiences that one can have. It’s new, it’s exciting, it’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. You had no idea you were capable of caring for someone so deeply at 15, 16, 17, or 18 years old. “High school sweetheart” is a title we all dream of having at the time of graduation; our stomachs churn at the thought of spending forever with the person who first saw us with our braces removed, who we first said those special three words to, and, unfortunately, who we gave our purity to.

You’re young, you’re dumb, and you don’t know any better. Five months seems like five years, and for me, two years felt like an eternity. When you're young, you don't have the capacity to think realistically—to realize that more than likely, you won't end up together. Personally, I refused to consider the idea.

When it happened, when I thought my world shattered, I didn’t think I would ever get over it. I remember thinking to myself that I would be sad forever over that boy. It took about eight months for me to stop hurting. It took me moving six hours away from him, a lot of rebounds, free access to liquor (not recommended), a new boyfriend, a blocked number, and pages of journaling to finally say today, over one year later, I am over him. And it’s sad and kind of pathetic and maybe melodramatic but it is what it is. If you’re still reading this, you’re probably worried you’re going to be sad for a long time too.

And you might be. You may lay awake every night for the next three months replaying every memory you can recall in your head over and over. You may still call him when you’re sad and still text him when you’re reminded of him, even though you tell yourself you hate him. You may cry when you hear the radio or drive by his favorite restaurant, screaming at the God you don’t even know exists anymore. You may think you're ruined. But I promise you, it will not be forever.

Everyone in your life has been telling you that it will be “fine” since it happened. The “I’m sorrys” and “it'll get betters” are driving you insane because all you feel is utter sadness and pain and it sucks. It sucks to be in love one day and the next be betrayed. You may truly feel like it won’t ever feel better but I am telling you, from experience, that it will.

One day, one random, magical day, you will wake up and feel better than normal. He will still cross your mind, but differently from normal. The weeks will become shorter and one night you’ll be laughing with your friends and his name will come up, and you won’t flinch... in fact, you may even smile. The sadness of the memories will turn to happiness. You will feel blessed to have experienced the good that you did with him, and you will recognize that the time was not wasted. You will see him in public and it will shock your whole body. But instead of a glare, you will give him a soft smile and a nod, call your best friend and then go on with your day.

Then one day you will meet a guy. Maybe in calculus, maybe on the street, maybe at a party or maybe even on Tinder. This guy will listen to the heartbreak you went through, and he will say he would never do that to you... and he won’t. Maybe you will stay together with that guy, maybe you won’t. But he will teach you, more than anything, that you can let go. You can move on and it IS possible to stop hurting. You don’t have to force yourself to “suck it up” and stop moping about the boy who broke your heart, you will heal when you are ready. It will happen. I promise.

Some things that won’t go away are the facts: he was a part of your life. You loved him and he loved you, as much as teenagers have the capacity to love, that is. He hurt you. It sucked.

The memories won’t go away.

You won’t be able to forget him or who he was or what you liked or didn’t like about him. In fact, you will probably tell your daughter about him when she goes through her first heartbreak. But the good news is that you will be able to tell her that just like you, she will be okay.

Sincerely,