You are drained, emotionally and physically. There is no amount of sleep that could ever cure the exhaustion you feel, I know. You're killing yourself for everyone else, making sure everyone is taken care of, loved, and safe. You keep it together every second of everyday, without failure. What you don't realize is that it's okay to not be perfect all the time, it's okay to crack and to fall apart momentarily. You are allowed to need someone else for once.
You keep your pain locked inside of you, you think that if no one else can see it then it isn't real. You're angry that no one is ever there for you when you're always "open arms and full of love" for everyone else. That isn't fair. It isn't fair to expect someone to know you're in pain when you're a pro at hiding it. Forgive them for not seeing through your facade and brave face. Forgive them for not realizing your eyes are empty.
I know you don't sleep well at night. You lay awake playing over what happened, what should've happened, and what didn't happen in your head, and it drives you insane. You think about failed relationships, you think of heartache and missed opportunities. You need to forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being burnt out. Forgive yourself for the disappointment you feel in yourself. Human beings aren't meant to be perfect, we make mistakes to learn about life. It's all part of the plan that is your life.
You're tired of empty, meaningless words from the people who mean the most to you. You're filled to the brim with lies and broken promises. You want to explode, you want to scream at the top of your lungs. Instead of screaming, you sit with a closed lipped smile, quietly withering away. Brick by brick, you are falling apart, completely unnoticed, utterly silent.
You're tired of waiting. You see girls your age having babies, getting engaged, getting married and you feel the sting of jealousy. "When will this happen for me?" plays over and over in your mind, driving you mad. Of course you're happy for them, but jealousy will always arrive before happiness. You kick yourself for feeling that way, but it's only human to want that happiness for yourself, too.
"No, I'm fine. I'm just tired." is your favorite sentence. Sometimes the mask slips, and it shows a little sliver of the torment building inside you. You quickly push it down, swallow it whole before it makes a peep. It isn't completely dishonest, though...because you are in fact tired. You're tired of pretending to be whole when you are shattered, you're tired of getting your hopes up just to watch them fall hard against the pavement.
Dear tired girl, rest...rest your weary soul. Find solace and comfort.
