Dear Blind and In Love,

I have heard a little bit through my friends about how gorgeous you are, but most importantly how funny, sweet and kind you are to other people. However, it is almost always followed by “but she is dating that ______.” (You can fill that in with any negative term about a person you can think of because I have heard them all.)

I know you’re not asking for it, but I want to give you advice from the one who was in your shoes, deep down wishing she could escape the ugly feeling she thought was love. Escape the hurting, anger and frustration.

I was 17, and like most 17-year-olds, thought I was in love. I fell under his spell. He was charming, sweet, nice, and for a while, adored by my family, until about 4 months in when everything started to change.

Everyone told me I was cheated on, on more than one occasion, and when I confronted him he turned my teenage thoughts into accusations and turned the blame on me, making himself the victim. I believed it and continued to walk blindly down our path of ‘love.’ He hated my family for reasons I still don’t understand and my family felt the same, but I still didn’t listen and continued to let him play me like an old guitar. My friends gave up on me because I wouldn’t listen to them when they tried to tell me to wake up and see what was happening to my mind. I even turned against myself the instant he asked me if I gained weight and I started to skip meals. I let myself down when he told me to stop talking to other boys, including my best friend, and felt guilty and secluded myself to talking to my only two girlfriends whenever he was around. I let myself down every single time he pressured me, no matter the circumstance, and I felt guilty for declining.

He was wrong. I was wrong. My friends were right. My family was right.

Abuse is not just physical and abuse is not just sexual. Abuse can be emotional and even verbal. Words cut deep. Do not accept this. I shouldn’t have and you shouldn’t either. Love is not supposed to hurt, whether it be a bruise left on your arm, or on your heart from repetitive put downs and continuously being told you’re not good enough or being blamed for his problems.

The moment you think you deserve better – the moment you even slightly question it – you do.

If you’re looking for a sign to get out, this is it.

I don’t regret my past or letting everything that happened, happen. We had some good memories, but they are often forgotten about because of what really consumed my memory of our time together. I don’t hate him at all; in fact, I still care about his well being, and probably always will. Our relationship really shaped me into who I am today. Granted, it made me more protective of myself and a little harder-headed than I would like to be. But, I am strong, respected, and loved, and you deserve that too.

If you’re anything like I was and think you’ll never find anyone else, my mom told me at least 50 times that there are other fish in the sea. I never once believed her, and I should have.

Don’t get me wrong, I found another shark that left me alone in the middle of the ocean before I found my Nemo, but by God I found him and I have never been more thankful. He loves me for me and doesn’t try to change me. He doesn’t try to control my actions or my emotions. He compliments me on my best days and even on my worst days. He loves my flaws and doesn’t blame me for anything. He respects me. He loves me without pain.

Whether this real love I found lasts forever, or only until tomorrow, I am grateful because my life now is always proving me wrong about my negative view on love and relationships. I have learned that love is indeed patient and kind, and that love - real love - never fails.

With all my heart,

Respected and in Love.