Dear past me,
It's almost been an entire year since you graduated high school. I know how excited you were to get out of that place, to forget about certain faces, and create a new identity in college. You counted down the days until you would receive your diploma, turn your tassel, and never look back. When that day finally came, you counted down the days until you would pack up your existence and move it to another town. You tried making the most of your last summer before being carted off to college when you weren't slaving in retail, but you couldn't wait to get out and explore an uncharted town. You daydreamed about the people you would meet, wondering if they would be anything like the people you were surrounded by in high school. Boy, you were impatient.
You had good reason for wanting to get out of that dreaded town, though. You had your heart broken by the one person you thought would never betray you, and was haunted by his presence until the day you stepped out of that brick prison. The only good things you had going for you were your extracurricular activities, and it broke your heart just thinking about your last year in these. For the first few months, you retracted into a shell, guarding your emotions very carefully. You didn't want anyone else coming in and doing any more damage. You spent more time with your friends, becoming closer with people who helped you up when you fell. They quickly became your crutch when your demons surfaced. With them, you slowly but surely found who you were.
You dyed your hair a dark espresso color, started winging your eyeliner so you wouldn't cry during class, and turned a cold shoulder to those who hurt you. You started journaling and reading more, picked up drawing, and turned your focus on your grades, theatre, and show choir. You began going out more, smiling more, laughing more, and trying new things. Even when you sat in your car in the dark, feeling like the weight of the world was crashing down all at once, you didn't let that hinder you anymore. You started living out the rest of your senior year because, well, it was your last year in high school. You were finally feeling better, no matter what stood in your way. You still wanted to get out of that town, though. Every street, every area made you remember the things you desperately tried to forget. You continued to count down the days.
I wish I could go back in time and let you know that you would be so much happier in college than you ever were in high school. You'd miss show choir, theatre, and the few people you kept in contact with like crazy, but the new things you will join and the new friends you will make will be so refreshing. You still think about those people who did you so wrong a lot, but you will come to realize how much better you are without them. You will meet someone and fall absolutely in love with them, even though you used to believe you'd never find anyone else. I wish I could hold you when you broke down and tell you that it would get better, so much better. I'm so proud of everything you accomplished in high school, but I'm so glad I'm not you anymore. I'm happier, healthier, and better now that I've changed. I don't regret being you, because being you taught me so many valuable lessons, but I'm glad I'm not you anymore.
Love, present me
