To the girl trying to find a guy to save her,

Stop! Please, don’t do that to yourself. It is not fair to you or the guy that you are looking for. Take this from someone who has done this herself. I have been in two relationships in which I said, “he saved me.” While this is not a lie, each relationship did not last. They didn’t last because I was not ready to be in that relationship at that time.

I am broken in so many ways. There are things that I deal with on a daily basis that I wish no one would have to deal with. It always seems to me that there is something missing in my life. One of these things is a relationship. It is so comforting to have someone there no matter what is going on. He can make you feel beautiful when you find it hard to feel that on your own. This is a person that knows when you are lying when you say that you are happy. These are just a few of the blessings of being with a man. I know this because I have been there.

I have been in relationships when I wasn’t ready, emotionally, to be in it. It was not fair to me or the guy I was dating at the time. There was a false comfort for both of us. So many times girl are searching for a man to be with, for a man to save them but that is not how it works. As a women we have to be able to learn how to save ourselves before we can be fully committed to a relationship. If we are not ready and do everything we can just so we can have that shield there for us, we are just teasing ourselves.

These guys that have saved me have been huge blessings in my lives. They did pull me out of some of my lowest points in life. The thing is, if I was at a better point in my life, I feel that each relationship would have gone better. We learn from our past relationships. The guys who saved me have taught me some of my biggest lessons. It is hard losing a guy who you love so much, we all feel that. I feel terrible for putting him in that spot I did. However, I have learned from him though.

As I prepare myself for my next relationship, I remind myself that I cannot be looking for a guy to save me. I have to save myself before I can fully be ready for my next relationship. To the girls who are searching for a guy to save her, rewind, take a step back, and learn to save yourself first. A man cannot save you in the way you want to be saved, only you can to that.

So before you start dating again, take a journey. The same one I am on right now. Learn to love yourself. This includes your inward and outward selves. Find what you love to do as a hobby. Find peace in your life. Make friends that will be there for you when you need them. Go out and find a group or extra-curricular that you love. Do what you can to find the truest, happiest, self-confident women that you can be.

Once you work on yourself, things will fall into place. The friends I have, who are in strong, loving relationships weren’t looking for it. It happened for them. I now this isn’t an easy journey but to be the happiest in a relationship this is what needs to happen. Please don’t try to find a man to save you. Save yourself, love yourself, be confident in yourself before you find a man. Live an independent life that you are happy with before you bring someone into yours.