I have been an athlete my entire life. I have spent hundreds of days of my life training, lifting, running, and practicing. From a young age, I had a goal: to play in college. It was never for the glory or the title of “Student Athlete”. It was for the love of the game.
However, after seeing multiple teammates have their signing day and then go on to play collegiately, I began to feel a sense of inadequacy, as if my love for the game wasn’t enough. Here I was, having dedicated basically my entire life to sports, yet I never had a signing day or the opportunity to don a college uniform. It was all over so quickly. My last game came and went and I realized I was no longer an athlete. I no longer had to train every day. I no longer had automatic friends because they were my teammates. I lost pretty much the entirety of my identity when I had to stop playing. I felt extremely inadequate.
I aspired my entire life for a goal and I couldn’t accomplish it. Every day I see athletes on campus and I’m reminded of what I no longer have. I start wondering if all those hours dedicated to athletics were worth it. I think that if only I was an athlete again, I would have more of a purpose on campus.
Coming home from my first year of college, people asked me, “Do you miss it?” At first, I didn’t know what to say. Of course, I miss playing, but I also miss everything that came with playing sports. All of the countless memories.
But it’s when I take a step back that I realize that I am still acquiring memories from sports. I gave so much to playing, and when I stopped, it started giving back to me. Sports have made me fiercely competitive and hardworking, I do not give up when I face adversity.
So when people ask, I’m very honest. I tell them I miss it more than anything but that the closed door that brought the end of my athletic career has opened countless doors. Do I still want to play? Absolutely. But I realized that because I’m not playing, I have had so many opportunities that wouldn’t have been possible only a year ago.
There’s a verse that I’ve misinterpreted over the years until now.
“Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
I always have viewed this verse as if the Lord should give me whatever I wanted. I thought I delighted in the Lord, and the desire of my heart was to play sports collegiately. Yet this desire was not met. Why did the Lord not give me what I wanted?
Because He knew that I was capable of so much more. He knew that what was perfect for me extended beyond the desires of my heart. Playing sports collegiately is an incredible feat; however, God gave me the gift of athleticism to teach me so much more than how to dribble a basketball. He let me take my last shot and led me to a lot of healing that made me even stronger. He’s still revealing where He’s leading me. Some days I feel blind and completely clueless. I get lost in living in the past when I see pictures of me playing, or seeing my basketball shoes sitting on the shelf. However, when I feel this way, I'm reminded of what God has done and what He is still doing.
When I see athletes, it hurts, but it also reminds me of all God is doing in my life. The feeling of inadequacy still arises, but I realized my identity is so much more than an athlete. I have found a more stable foundation in God’s work in my life and it promises me so much more than game-winning shots or a signing day.
