To that one person,
It is unfair how much space you take up in mind and how little I have in yours. It is unfair how much I sacrifice for you, knowing that you would never even think of doing the same for me. I would drop everything for you if and when you needed me, almost as if I am constantly waiting for you to reach out— although I hate to admit that. The only time I cross your mind is when it is convenient for you. You make that very clear to me, but you have such a tight and toxic grip on me that I could never turn my back on you.
I have loved you for years and somehow it was easier for your heart to let go of all of that, it was easier for you to decide that I am not worthy of your time. I haven't let go though. I should, I know I should and everyone else knows I should, but you have blinded me to all of the evil that you create.
I make excuses for the way that you treat me, I tell myself that it is okay every time you break me down, and I tell myself you will be back every time you leave. I hope and pray that you come back, but the truth is, you shouldn't leave in the first place. I know that. I couldn't tell you how many people have told me that if you wanted anything to do with me you would show me that, but here I am still waiting for you to swoop back in and ruin me again. Talk to me for a week and then disappear again like you always do.
You're like a tornado anytime you come around— I'm perfectly fine and whole before you show up and when you're here, it's a whirlwind of feelings and I can't help but love the adventure, thrill, and change that you bring. You sweep me up and spin me around, but when you decide you are done and you drop me back on the ground, all that is left is disaster. There are pieces of me everywhere, pieces I can't even identify anymore because of the destruction you caused. You're gone and you don't look back. Now I have to continue with the mess that you have made, I have to learn how to live and breathe and not constantly want you now that you are gone.
I hate the power that you have over me but nothing I have tried worked to stop it. Sometimes I think it will be like this forever, a heartfelt want that is never returned. It's cruel the way you treat me, but the next time I see your name on your phone will I jump to answer it? Yes. Do I stare at my phone contemplating calling you? Yes. Do I miss you every day and the way we used to be? Yes. Will I reach out to you first? Absolutely not because you broke every promise you have ever made me and you fed me lies for a week straight and before the next week was even over you were gone again, like you always do. You disappear and I have to start over.
Yet I'll answer when you call, and we'll do this all over again.