To the boy who loved me first,

I was always told that my first breakup would be the hardest and unfortunately that was true for me. Growing up you imagine things a certain way. I imagined finding one person and them being my first for everything and my last for everything. I constantly daydreamed about the boy who would steal my heart and take care of it forever. I thought I had that. I had someone that I could be myself around even though I have anxiety and I'm shy. I could sing in the car with you, I couldn't even do that around my own parents until I was in middle school; but it took you only a few months to break that shell. I flew on a plane by myself to see you and I was fearless, you made me feel fearless. You made me comfortable and like I could do anything. You would tell me how lucky you were to have me and how I was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen. One time, I remember you telling me that I was the girl you always dreamed of and that I could never do anything to make you not love me anymore. I didn't even have to tell you what kind of engagement rings I like and you got me the perfect one.

Then the storm hit, we were happy together but life has a funny way of turning that around for people. I was happy and you weren't. It was probably the most painful thing in the world knowing that I was doing everything to make you stay; but ultimately it wasn't my choice. I look back and I realize I didn't just lose my fiance', I also lost the best friend I ever had. You gave me hope through my insecurities and you made me feel so special. We had so many amazing times. Some things in life we can't understand and it takes something else to happen to realize why we were knocked down in the first place. It's not fair, it sucks,but it's life. I wanted a fairytale and I thought I had one; but every story has a part where a conflict is introduced and even the princesses in these stories aren't safe.

This isn't an article to make my first love look bad. It's one to give hope and to help others who have felt the same. Listen, it's been months and I still cry sometimes. It's okay to be sad, you're allowed to feel, so please feel however you want. The memories don't go away and they'll make you miss what you had but be grateful you had it. I spent 2 1/2 years of my life feeling loved and wanted. I smiled everyday because of the "boy who broke my heart." I was originally going to use that as the title of this article but it didn't feel right. Yes, it's true but it's not the main point and that's not all he is to me. The point is that it's going to take a long time to heal and move on; but it will happen. Be willing to learn something and better yourself from your heartbreak. He taught me what real love feels like and how it feels to want to spend everyday with someone.That boy gave me good moments; and he gave me something that can't be replaced. I'll probably always have a piece of my heart that loves him. The boy who loved me first, loved me before I could love myself and for that I am forever thankful. There's a reason this happened and I may not know it now; but when I do I'm going to thank him again but for a different reason, for letting me go. You can't force someone to love you and you can't change the past. In fairytales, the hero doesn't give up and they fight for their happily ever after and that's what I am going to do.

Sincerely,

The girl who loved you first