An Open Letter To My First Love

An Open Letter To My First Love

"I Loved You Like Nobody Else. Why Did You Leave?"

Everybody describes their first love as the boy/girl they met in middle school, high school, and perchance even college. For the longest time, I assumed and was under the influence of social ideals that your first love is hypothetically supposed to be the first guy/girl you fell in love with.

Lately, I grasped onto the fact that isn't the case. Your initial love is the first person you fell in love with. You don't have to date this person or be irrevocably infatuated with them. You merely need to just love them with your whole heart. In my case, mine was my best friend.

I know some people have numerous best friends throughout their lifetime, but you always have that one best friend. You can tell them whatever without hesitation at all, they might as well move in with you since they're at your house so much, that kind of best friend. This is an open letter to that person.

To My Original First Love,

We overlapped paths at an early age and we didn't know it from the start, but we would turn out to be the best of friends. You were my go to, my shoulder to cry on, the person I could vent to, and more. We did the whole shit and shebang together. You basically lived with me at my house, but I didn't mind it.

At that age, I had no idea what love really was. The only kind of love I had ever known was for my family. It wasn't until recently in my life I realized that the boy I spent maybe 3-4 years with isn't my first love. You were.

My time was mostly prioritized by spending time with you. Going to the movies, the mall, the skating rink, the bowling alley, etc. My world revolved around you. Even when I had a boyfriend, or you had one and our time together dwindled, you were still my best friend and I still went to you for literally everything.

Do you remember our tradition we established back when we first became friends? I do. When we first became friends, your first time at my house was Christmas Day. After that, it was our mission to make Christmas Day an annual day that you must come to my house and spend the night for. It was our thing.

Even though I had undeniably no idea what love was as a child, looking back now, that's precisely what I felt for you; love. I loved you like nobody else. I could tell you everything that was troubling me without hesitation or fear of being judged whatsoever. You helped me with issues I faced, and I did the same for you. You made me beyond happy and I went out of my way to make sure you knew your worth to me...

However, this letter doesn't end with the happy ending that is/was anticipated...

Maybe all of that wasn't enough to make you stay. Did I need to do more? Or less? What did I do wrong?

I know you're gone and I should not even hesitate to look back into the past, but my mind is full of questions that continuously go unanswered. Why did you leave? What did I do that was so awful that you couldn't just bare the sight of me any longer?

If two people are truly best friends, distance does not mean anything. That's just a number.

I loved you, but did you love me? I went out of my way for you and expected nothing in return. I defended your honor whenever peoples' mouths opened to speak ill of you. If you needed something, I was there. If you wanted to talk, I was there. If you needed a place to stay, I was there. I was there from the start of our friendship and I stayed until the end.

You hurt me worse than what a boy or any other friend could ever do. We were friends for years, but all it took was several hours to destroy every bit of it.

Even though our friendship ended long ago, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I wonder what you're doing now, how your life's going, and what your new friends are like. What are your plans for life? Have they changed or are they still the same as ever? Do you have a boyfriend? If not do you like anyone? What's their name? What is your new school like? How are your classes and are they easy or hard?

What is your life like now that I'm no longer apart of it?

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you.

Every time you cross my mind, I have to push the thought away from my conscience. It's not that I don't care about you because I do. I truly do. It's just that you didn't want me anymore and like a mother who doesn't want her child any longer, you gave me up to someone else.

You left me all alone with nowhere to go. I was your new toy you got from Christmas but once you wore me down and shredded away my new toy looks and feel, you threw me out. I was your favorite toy that you didn't want anymore. I became a puppy who had been rejected by the only owner he ever loved and I was devastated and didn't know what to do and where to turn next.

You were my first love and gave me my first broken heart, but as all first loves go, they teach you a lesson.

You taught me that even though people seem genuine on the outside, that doesn't always mean they have good intentions. You taught me that no matter how good you are to people, they will still be bad towards you. You taught me that even though you can give someone the world, they will still take you for granted.

Do you know how hard it is? Knowing we aren't best friends anymore? Did it hurt you as bad as it did me when you left, or did you feel nothing at all? Do you know how hard it is trying to replace you with someone else and getting scared they're going to turn out just like you? To leave and not feel one ounce of guilt?

How could you do that to me? How could you leave me? Did you believe all the lies your friends told you? Did you leave because you never liked me to begin with? Did you leave because I couldn't give you more than what I did? Did you leave because I hurt your reputation? My question stands broadly as ever and in the shadows: Why? Why did you do it....

We had a lot of great times together and I will forever treasure the time I was able to spend with you.

I would be there to aid you as quickly as possible if all you did was snap your fingers. If you clapped your hands for me, I would be there. If you told me to jump, I would ask "how high?" I did do all of those things at one point in time.

Not anymore though.

I tried to claim you back as my friend and I attempted to text you every day, but how can you keep a conversation with someone when they give you one-word answers and don't open your message until days later? The answer is you can't.

When you left, you took all the love I had for you as well as the love you had for me. When you left, you said goodbye for good. At that moment, you were never going to come back no matter what I said or even tried to do. In turn, because of you, I can't be best friends with anyone or even friends with anybody without worrying if I'm just being the fool again. I can't be happy and have friends anymore.

If I did have true friends after you, I've pushed every single one of them away in fear of being hurt in a constant cycle. There was only you, and there will never be another like you and because of you, I can never have a normal friendship with anybody for a long time.

My guard has been on high alert since you broke my heart. I have never been able to love another like I did you. You were the first of your kind and you certainly were the last also.

Maybe you were a lesson, maybe you weren't. I'll have to find out on my own. We chose different paths in life and when you chose yours, you didn't want me to walk beside you this time. But perhaps we will cross paths again someday when I'm better for you and you're better for me.

Cover Image Credit: Leah Flanigan

Popular Right Now

As A Victim Of Sexual Abuse, Painting '#MeToo' On A WWII Statue Is Taking The Movement TOO Far

There is a line you should never cross and that is it.


The famous picture of the sailor kissing a woman was taken right on V-J Day, when Japan surrendered to the U.S. in World War II. For decades it was seen as a representation of how excited and relieved everyone was at the end of the war.

The picture touched the hearts of thousands as you could feel the overwhelming amounts of joy that came from the snap of the camera. While the woman in the picture died back in 2016 due to a struggle with pneumonia, the sailor just recently died on Feb. 17, 2019 at the age of 95.

Most people saw it as both a heartbreak and heartwarming that the couple that was once photographed were now together.

Other people saw differently.

There is a statue made of the picture that resides in Sarasota, Florida. Police found early Tuesday morning of Feb. 19, two days after the sailor's death, that someone had spray-painted #MeToo on the statue's leg in bright red.

As a woman, I strongly encourage those who have been sexually assaulted/abused in any way shape or form, to voice themselves in the best way they can. To have the opportunity to voice what they went through without being afraid. As a woman who has also been a victim of sexual assault and has been quiet for many years...

This act of vandalism makes me sick.

While the woman that was kissed by the sailor was purely kissed on impulse, she had stated in an interview with 'The New York Times' that, "It wasn't a romantic event. It was just an event of 'thank God the war is over.'"

People were celebrating and, as a sailor, that man was so over the moon about the war being over that he found the nearest woman to celebrate with.

While I don't condone that situation, I understand both the reason behind it as well as the meaning behind the photo. I understand that, while it wasn't an intended kiss, it was a way of showcasing relief. To stick #MeToo on a statue of a representation of freedom is not the right way to bring awareness of sexual abuse.

It gives those the wrong idea of why the #MeToo movement was started. It started as a way for victims of sexual abuse to share their stories. To share with the world that they are not alone.

It helped me realize I wasn't alone.

But the movement, soon after it started, became a fad that turned wrong. People were using it in the wrong context and started using it negatively instead of as an outlet for women and men to share their horrific experiences of sexual assault.

That statue has been up for years. To wait until the sailor passed away was not only rude but entirely disrespectful. The family of that sailor is currently in mourning. On top of it, it's taking away from the meaning behind the photo/statue. World War II was one of the darkest, scariest events in — not just our American history — but the world's as well.

Sexual abuse is a touchy matter, I encourage everyone to stand up for what's right. But to vandalize a statue of one of the most relieving days in America's history is an act that was unnecessary and doesn't get the point of #MeToo across in the way it should. If anything, it's giving people a reason not to listen. To protest and bring attention to something, you want to gather the right attention.

This was not gathering the right attention.

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

Trump Hasn't Nicknamed Pelosi or AOC. What's The Deal?

These two women aren't receiving the usual treatment and it begs the question: why?


Our Commander in Chief has been known to give out derogatory nicknames to those in the capital that he doesn't like very much. EG: "Pocahontas" for Elizabeth Warren, "Crooked" Hillary. I mean, for goodness sake's, there's a Wikipedia article with a comprehensive list of Trump's mean nicknames and who they belong to.

While Wikipedia does include names used on Nancy Pelosi, all of the nicknames still include her own name, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez doesn't even make the list. While the internet has adoringly dubbed her AOC, Trump himself hasn't felt the urge to demean her with a nickname.

So, what gives? Why do Pelosi and AOC get spared the derogatory nickname?

(Also, remember that in no way is this normal.)

I may be making a giant assumption, but it seems to be, that Trump's nicknames are meant to demean and belittle the receivers of them. So, by giving both Bernie and Hillary nicknames during the course of the election, he associated them with those traits and demeaned them in the public eye.

Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez aren't people that Trump can easily belittle. The reasons for why are varied and speculative, but it seems that Trump has found these to be more difficult to harass in front of the public. It could be because of mass public support for them, but Bernie Sanders and Hilary were both moderately popular in the eyes of the media and general citizenship.

In my mind, that narrows it down to two things. Either Trump does not view Pelosi or AOC as threats, or... he is afraid to nickname them.

It seems insane that Trump would not view the two as a threat, given their very public statements regarding his policies. Pelosi and Cortez are threats, but big enough ones that Trump is afraid of their retaliation in the political scheme, and therefore, it's too dangerous to give them nicknames.

But now we can see through him. If he can't demean these two strong women for his own political gain, what can he do?

Related Content

Facebook Comments