Throughout our young lives, we have all had our fair shares of heart breaks. From not getting a spot in the musical, to losing a best friend over a rumor, there's always something that hurts so much that it breaks you. In all honesty, there's only one heartbreak that hurts the most: losing your first love. We've all had one. The person who came into your life, and you thought would never leave. It felt like a dream, because that's exactly what it was...a dream.
When you first came into my life, I knew I never wanted you to leave. You saved me from a state that could have completely changed where I am today. Your smile, laugh, and personality was everything I ever wanted and needed. When I had a bad day, I knew I could expect you to be at my house with flowers and unconditional love. When I had days where depression got the best of me, you would lay out under the stars with me and ensure that everything out be okay. And I believed you. If I could have spent every hour with you, I would have. You loved me, and I loved you. I could tell by the way you looked at me, and how your crystal blue/green eyes shined whenever we were close. I could tell there would be no one in this world who could compete with you. After only a couple of months together, I knew I wanted to marry you. You were the person I wanted to meet at the end of the aisle. You were the person I wanted to have a family with, and you even made me want to have children when I’m old, and that’s huge for me. You were the person who made me think outside of my little liberal box. You were there through every hardship and mishap I went through, and every mental breakdown I ever had. You stood by my side throughout my senior year even when I was constantly stuck with my head in the clouds and ignorant to the ways of the world. I remember thinking that dating a senior would be difficult as a freshman in college, but I also knew that when you love someone you make it work. And we did just that, and I believed I would marry my high school sweetheart. But in high school, everyone thinks they will marry their first love. For some reason, I thought we would be the exception. But I was wrong.
I never thought you would hurt me. In all our time spent together, you were the last person on Earth who I expected to break me. You were my lobster. But like Ross and Rachel, there’s always an end. And in this version, Rachel doesn’t get off the plane. Break ups suck, but they suck even more when they are random and near a holiday. This was definitely not the Christmas gift I wanted. But, If I learned anything from our time together, it’s that nothing last forever. My visions of you at the end of the aisle vanished the minute I heard you say, “we need to talk.” I can’t be mad or have any hatred toward you because I love you, and I always will. You were my best friend, and that isn’t something you find everyday. I always had dreams of marrying my best friend but in all honesty, that’s not reality. That’s why it’s a dream. I will always be grateful for memory and adventure we had together. I wish we could have had more.
XOXO,
Mara
