You never truly realize how gifted you are as an athlete until your talent is taken from you. You're aware that your chosen sport is a part of you, and you know that you love it, but you could never understand what it does to you once it's stripped away from you unless you've actually been through it. I get how you feel. It's happened to me, too.
When I was fourteen, I tried out for my high school swim team as a freshman. It was my whole life at the time. I was naturally good at it, especially backstroke. Just as a freshman, I broke three team records, for both the freshman and varsity team. The coach was amazing, and my family and friends were incredibly supportive. I lettered my freshman year, and was on pace to possibly swim DI in college.
However, I had an ache in my shoulder I could never really shake. I ignored the growing pain the whole season, focused on trying to win, and when I finally decided on getting an MRI, it was too late. My labrum in my shoulder was torn clean through, and I would require surgery. Without a working labrum, your whole arm is pretty much useless. I had surgery, and just like my surgeon said might happen, I was unable to swim competitively again.
I didn't have the "it's really over" moment until this summer, when my friends were competing in the Olympic Trials. I broke down at the dinner table.
Being told you can no longer compete again is the equivalent of your heart being ripped from your chest. No one can even begin to understand your pain unless they themselves had faced the same adversity as you. You get angry when you parents try to baby you, and you get jealous when you see your old teammates talking about the team or the sport. You get upset when you see your team winning without you, and rightfully so.
You've heard it countless times, but you will heal from this, even if it seems like your heart is breaking. It probably is, and that's okay. Mine did, too. I cried every night after my surgery for a good month.
The thing is, though, that's life. Life is filled with accidents, and mistakes, and hardships. It wouldn't be life without them. And although the saying is overused and over appreciated, everything happens for a reason. It really does.
Do not let this determine your worth, or your happiness, or your being. It may not seem like it now, but you are so much more than just an athlete. You're a person. A sister, a brother, a son, daughter, mother, father. You're a friend. A companion. A support system. You are yourself. Your jersey number or your suit or your sport is just a small sliver of who you are. You are so much more than that number.
Your setback is the platform for your comeback. Do not for a second let this define you.
