I don’t really remember when I realized that I hated you. One day, we were fine, and the next, I couldn’t stand you. But, my mom taught me to play nice, so I pretended like everything was alright. We ended up spending a lot of time together, you and I.
We went on trips together, went to school together, even shared all the same after school activities, cheerleading, gymnastics, you even joined the swim team when I did. I thought you were following me, and I guess that I was right. Maybe you really liked me, maybe you knew I secretly hated you, and you just wanted to make me suffer. Either way, it doesn’t matter now, because I don’t hate you any longer. In fact, to make peace with all the years I’ve spent hating you, I’ve decided to love you. After all, you have to love your enemies, right?
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably wondering who I’ve hated for so long. Her name is Chloe. That’s right, my worst enemy is myself. All my insecurities, my worst fears, everything negative in me is my worst enemy. And if you’re like me, you are your own worst enemy too. Because there is nothing that anyone else can say to you that can hurt you more than what you tell yourself every day. “You’re not good enough. You’re so ugly. Everyone hates you. They’re staring at you, making fun of you. Everyone thinks you’re so fat. They must think I’m so annoying.” Sound familiar?
Let me just tell you something. YOU are good enough. YOU are beautiful. YOU are loved. I promise, no one is staring at you, and no one is making fun of you. You are not fat. Every single body on this planet is beautifully and wonderfully made, and can do amazing things. I promise, you are not annoying. We all need to let go of our insecurities, let go of our self-hatred, and learn to love our worst enemy. Because if we don’t, they will destroy us from the inside out.
I have struggled for years with self-loathing; us girls were told it was simply a part of being girls. I want us to be the generation that breaks the cycle, the generation that loves because love is stronger than hate. I never want my daughter to be afraid to look in the mirror, to be afraid of the scale. I don’t want to hear her purging in the bathroom because her inner voice told her that she’s too fat, that no one will love her because she’s disgusting. I don’t want to see her broken, afraid to eat because she’s gained yet another pound. I don’t want my son to be afraid to cry, to be afraid that crying will make him seem weak. I don’t want my children to be constrained by what their inner voice tells them. I want my children to grow up in a world full of love, instead of hate. So please, for the good of our children, please let go of the hate.
Every day is still a challenge, but every day I am learning to love myself a little more.
