To My Guardian Angel
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Adulting

To My Guardian Angel

An open letter to my best friend who's watching me from Heaven.

24
To My Guardian Angel
Photo by Stokpic from Pexels

Dear Guardian Angel (because I know you're mine),

I can't help but wonder what we would be doing at this exact moment. For two people who did everything together, I wonder what memories we would've made since the last time I saw you. 784 days ago, I lost you. I felt a pain inside of me, I never thought was humanly possible. I will never forget that day, the way the air smelled, the way people looked at me, the way people spoke to me, the way my heart absolutely shattered. Not a second has gone by that I don't think of you or your family. The way they must feel, I cannot imagine. I think about your mom, the bond you two shared; I think about how I barely recognize her anymore. I think about how every time she sees me, she tries to be strong, but I know she just sees you. I think about your dad, how proud he was of you and how you could do no wrong in his eyes. I think about how every time he sees me, he wishes you were there instead. I think about your sisters, the way you bickered, the way you guys laughed, the way you had each other's backs, always and forever. I think about how every time they see me, they wish you were following closely behind. I think about your brother, how old he's gotten and how proud you would've been of him. I think about how every time he sees me, he tears up just a little bit because he recognizes I'm broken too. I think of me, the memories we could have, would have, should have created. I think about how every time I look in the mirror, I see someone who lost not only a best friend but a sister. Someone who lost not only a little piece of their heart but their whole heart.

I know you are with me. I can feel your energy. I can hear your laugh. But the truth? The truth is, I miss you. I miss being the annoying, loud girls in Starbucks. I miss being the two girls in the library comparing homework answers. I miss being the best friends at work who always had a great time, even though being a waitress is no picnic. I miss being the know-it-all and the outgoing best friends. I miss going to the beach with you, just us. I miss screaming the lyrics to songs we know by heart. I miss quoting Grey's Anatomy with you. I miss everything. Since you've been gone, graduating without you was hard. I can't imagine the day I get engaged and you not being the first one I call. I can't imagine the day I marry the love of my life and you not being my Maid of Honor. I can't imagine the day I'm pregnant, not calling you and telling you first. I don't want to imagine but someday...it will be the reality and I'm not ready for that.

All I can hope is that you're looking down on me and smiling. Smiling because I did something embarrassing and you found it funny. Smiling because I did something courageous and you didn't have to convince me to do it. Smiling because I helped someone in need and you found it beautiful. Smiling because you're proud of everything I've done. I would not be the person I was in life without you. I don't know what I'm going to be in my future life without you....but I guess we will have to see.

I really hope you miss me.

Love,

The lost one

#DontDrinkAndDrive #MADD

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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