I honestly don't know when I started liking you, or how it happened. I suppose that's how most crushes occur, though. I don't remember what my first thought of you was, nor do I recall when and where I actually met you, but I'm sure glad I did.
I wish I could spend more time with you, and not just in a huge group. The thing is, you're a lot more outgoing than I will ever be, and I don't know how to talk to you without making a complete fool out of myself. You've told me before that you're usually not busy so you'd hang out if I asked, so why can't I bring myself to ask? I guess this is where my self-consciousness plays in. I feel as though I'm so obvious whenever I talk to you. If I ask you to hangout, will you automatically know how much I like you?
The most frustrating thing is that I know that you wouldn't judge me for anything. You're such a genuinely caring guy, and it's one of the many things that I like about you. You care so much about everybody and always seem to be there for your friends. You always seem to be the one going around towards the end of a party, making sure everyone will get home safe. Maybe that's just your 'job' as an upperclassman, but to me, it shows how much you truly care about everyone's wellbeing. Why is this frustrating? It's frustrating because I know how kind you are, and that if you knew how I felt, you wouldn't hold it against me. However, I still can't bring myself to tell you.
Sometimes I think it's crazy how much I like you. I mean, I don't really know that much about you. The thing is, I want to know about you. I mean, I know some surface things, such as your major and the organizations you're part of, but I want to know more. I want to know what your favorite movie is, or what your biggest pet peeve is. So far, I've been intrigued by everything I know about you and everything you say to me. If you're talking, I always seem to be hanging on your every word in an attempt to learn more about you.
It scares me how much I like you. I remember lying in bed in the middle of the night, messaging a friend, and suddenly realizing just how much I liked you. I even said to my friend, "You know, if he asked me to drive to where ever he is right now, I think I would do it," and it was true. I would drop everything in a heartbeat if you asked, which isn't good. Don't get me wrong, I do like you, but I never wanted to be a girl that would give up everything for some boy. Even if that boy is you.
The funny thing is I waited until the end of winter break to write this because I thought, just maybe, after a month without seeing you, I would forget how I felt about you. In fact, that's what I had been hoping for. However, if that had happened, I wouldn't be writing this letter now, would I? In fact, quite the opposite happened. Being away from you for so long just made my mind wander even more. I barely go a day without you popping into my mind. Night times are the worst because I know you're a night owl and I constantly think, "I wonder what he's doing right now?"
In all honesty, part of me thinks this entire article is quite silly. What's the point of writing all of this when you will never see it? If by some mistake, you click on the link and read this, will you know it's about you? Probably not. However, I want you to know that you are honestly the most amazing guy I know, and I sincerely believe that you are going to do amazing things in your life. I want to be there to see it happen so bad, but I know that's just wishful thinking. Whoever it is that you like and end up with, I hope they know just how lucky they are. You deserve only the best.
Sincerely,
The girl that doesn't have the courage to tell you
