Hi. How are you? I hope you're well. I think about you a lot. I wonder how you're doing. I wonder where you might be and what you might be doing. I wonder how your family and pets are. I wonder if you have a significant other and if he's treating you right and making you happy. I wonder how school is going. I wonder about your life and if you're chasing your dreams. Sometimes, I wonder if you think these things about me.

There used to be a time when I didn't have to wonder these things about you. I didn't have to wonder because I knew the answers to all of them already. I knew the answers because we were constantly with each other. If we weren't together we were at least texting or on the phone talking. I hate that I don't know the answers anymore.

When we had our big fight, it really hurt me. You said some awful things about me. I said some awful things about you, too. But fighting with you didn't hurt me near as bad as losing you altogether. When we stopped talking, I lost a lot more than just my best friend. I lost my advice giver, my listener, my future maid of honor, my travel partner, my "tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear," my concert-goer, my future kids' second mom, my 21st birthday party partner. I lost so many things all at once, and it wrecked me.

We went through so much together and I'll never understand how we just dropped all of that. I mean honestly, what happened? Looking back now, it all seems so blurry. I can remember bits and pieces but everything happened so fast. At this point in life, I don't so much remember the words said as I do the hurt I felt.

That being said, many of my best childhood memories are with you. You and I were inseparable, we were part of each other's families. We used to be able to go to each other's houses and just walk right in without knocking. We went on family vacations together. We had countless sleepovers that resulted in late night conversations no one else will ever know about. We went to concerts together. We talked about our futures and what we wanted to accomplish in life. There are so many secrets we shared, so many stories.

Occasionally we'll see each other and share a hello, but it never goes much further than that. It's been years since we've shared the friendship that we used to have. Never in a million years did I think that we would ever reach a point where we didn't know everything about each other. Sometimes when life gets hard, you're still the person I want to call and vent to. You're the person I want to text and tell you about this stupid thing that just happened at school. You used to be that person for me, but not anymore, and it sucks.

I guess what I'm really trying to say here is I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the things I said and the things I did. I'm sorry that we don't get to do all the things we said we would. I'm sorry that I don't know how your life is going, and if you're doing well. I also want to say thank you for giving me the years that you did. Thank you for spending countless hours with me doing stupid things. Thank you for the pictures and comments that pop up in my Facebook memories weekly. Thank you for being that second family for me. Thank you for being my go-to person no matter what.

Lastly, I just want you to know I'm here. I hope you know how much it breaks my heart still to this day that you're no longer my best friend. We might not ever get back to what we once were, or maybe five years from now we'll be the best of friends again. But no matter what happens, I promise I will always be here for you. If it's 3 a.m. and you need someone to come pick you up, or if you need someone to call and listen to you. No matter what it is, I'm only a phone call or a text away. Please never forget that.

I love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Me.