I miss you, I miss us.

We went through everything together—boys, homework assignments, the excitement of graduating, and even the thrill of being in the marching band. I miss those late night phone calls and staying up late doing our nails and makeup and talking about everything and nothing at all at the same time. I miss taking crazy photos with you because you were the only person who understood my love and need of taking all the photos I could possibly get.

Although I miss all of these memories and I miss being able to make new ones with you, I know you’re a different person now that you’re with him. You don’t like staying up late because you’re always tired. You don’t like going out anymore because you cherish the nights you get to see him. I get that, I totally do. I am currently going through it; we all have at some point. But I just miss you and I wish you would miss me too.

I'm happy for the two of you.

Although it makes me sad that I no longer get to claim you as my best friend, I'm happy for you. And as much as I hate not being able to call you anymore when I'm sad, I'm still happy for you. And even though it breaks my heart to know that you don't think of the fun times we had together like I do, I'm still so freaking happy for you.

I may think he's controlling, and I may think you're an idiot for being with him, but I'm happy for you. Who knows, maybe it's just the jealousy I refuse to admit that I have; maybe it's just my damaged heart being hurt all over again talking, but I think you can do better. But I'm still happy for you. I'm glad you think you found someone that loves you as much, or more, than I do. I'm thrilled to know you can go to sleep with a smile on your face because he bought you flowers earlier that day. And most of all, I'm glad you're smiling because a silly little boy makes you feel beautiful.

I don't like him because I'm jealous, I don't like him because...

I'm not jealous of the two of you. You and I were best friends, not girlfriends. But I dislike your new man. I dislike the way he takes all of your time and all of your energy in between working two jobs. I hate the way he gets mad at you for talking to someone else other than him. And most of all, I hate the way he convinces you that he's right about all of this. Somehow the little boys we use to make fun of in high school is now the one person who you love so dearly and I'm confused.

Anger is not love. Jealousy is not cute. Obsession is dangerous.

Maybe at first when you two have the first fight and you get through it together. Maybe the first time he gets a little upset when he sees another man's name pop up on your phone screen. Maybe the first time he comes to your work to "check up on you". No man should ever make you doubt yourself. No man should ever make you cut all ties with your friend because that specific friend just happens to have be a guy. And no man, for any reason, should ever make you feel unsafe. When that starts to happen, you are not with a man; you are with an insecure child who has not yet faced his demons.

So again, I'm not jealous of the two of you. I'm pissed because my once funny, full-hearted, best friend has been taken away by someone who doesn't appreciate you like I do.

I'm sorry, but when you've realized, it'll be too late.

I'm sorry, but it'll be too late when you wake up one morning and realize "I haven't talked to my best friend in awhile." You'll always have somewhere to go when it comes to me, but as for being there for you 100% of the time, that'll be gone. It hasn't been days or weeks since we've actually had a real conversation- it's been months. So much has happened, so much has changed. Did you know I broke up with my boyfriend a few months back and could've really used your shoulder? Do you know who my new boyfriend is? The answer is no for all of them.

I moved on not too long after you did, best friend. I can't wait around forever. Although we were not dating, losing you was worse than losing my first love. Because I knew I was going to lose him; I knew he wouldn't love me like that forever. But I didn't think I would lose the one person who knew me inside out to a silly boy.