Where do I even begin?

We were inseparable. We did everything together: lunch, shopping, sleepovers. We took road trips together and we were basically a part of each others families. We had one of those friendships you could only see in a movie. We would call each other just to see how each others day was going and talk for an our about absolutely nothing. We would talk about God and our futures. I knew all of your secrets and you knew all of mine. I thought we were going be the old women that were in the nursing home together.

Then summer came around, things came up and slowly I saw you disappearing. When I would text you, you would never reply or when you did it would be short almost like I was a bother. I got a call a few times from you crying over something a boy had done, promising you were finished. It came to a point though where it was time to cut off the friendship completely because it was toxic for me to keep waiting around for you. I was a convenience. Someone you could pour out all of your problems on but not have to listen to what was happening in my life.

The friendship we had built together was a one way street. I didn’t realize until you were out of my life that our relationship was so toxic. You always found a way to turn conversations back to your own problems and I would listen. It seemed as if you had a new boy in your life every week and no matter how many times it happened, they would end up breaking your heart. Like a boy could define your self worth. This rubbed off on my own life and you started making me feel like I needed to rethink my standards and my morals. Anything I did seemed to be wrong to you or unworthy. I was beginning to base my own self worth off of relationships. It was kind of like being a puppet attached to your life. I would always move in the directions you were going and being controlled by what you were telling me was right. You would make me feel like I deserved better which drove me to having no relationships. This was lowering my self esteem making me feel like I could never find love in someone. It was like you didn’t want me to have anyone in my life while you could have whoever you wanted.

I’m not upset though; actually, thank you for walking away. The past year has been a time where I could find myself without someone constantly pulling at my self-esteem. You have taught me what I need in a friendship and from there I have found a new group of friends that support me fully. I have found that I don’t need someone to hold my hand through life and I am fully capable of making smart decisions. It was like a weight was lifted when I realized that life goes on without you.

I still see your post and I really do hope that you are happy. I hope your new boyfriend treats you like a queen because you truly do deserve to be happy. When things get tough, like always, I know the first person you are going to call is me. You have walked away from our friendship too many times for other relationships in your life.

I will always love you, but just know that I have gotten this phone call too many times before and I’m not going to be there the next time he breaks your heart.