An Open Letter To My Best Friend

Dear You,

Thank you for all the times you've been there for me. During this time I can't help but think about how it all began. You were the rainbow after a hurricane. The disaster was the day I moved out of my dad's house, said goodbye to my sister, and changed my life forever. After the worst day of my life, when I was going through so much, you invited me over. We got all dolled up together for the first time, went on our own date, and screamed at graduation together. Thank you so much for being there for me in the time I needed it most. Thank you for seeing behind my mask of being okay, when all I really wanted in the world was a friend like you. I hope someday or somehow I can repay the favor.

There is so much I want to say, but have no idea how to put it into words. Firstly, I'd just like to say you are incredible. I love you so very much. You are so strong. Not many people get to know the real you, and I'm so glad I got the privilege. You're very independent, something I have always aspired to be. I always loved that you knew without a doubt when you were into a guy, and when you were over one. However, I also could not be happier that you finally found love and someone that makes you feel special. You deserve to feel loved every single day of your life and I'm sorry for the times in your life you haven't felt that way. No matter how I feel about him personally, I care for you too much to let that impact our friendship. I never meant to make you feel as if you had to choose a side, and I'm sorry if it may have seemed that way.

I'm going to miss you more than any words or actions could even express. I've had so many questions since we last texted. Was it a breakup, because that's how it felt to me? Did it hurt you as much as it hurt me? Will you ever be able to be the kind of friend I need again? Maybe I've been wrong about it all. Maybe I have overreacted or misunderstood, but when you sent "I don't think I can be the kind of friend you need right now," I swore it must be over. I cried a lot. I don't think I ever really told you how much you mean to me. I miss our dance sessions. I miss knowing what every thing you post on your story means before you even post it. I miss being the person you came to with the best and worst news. I miss screaming in your car. I miss every part of our friendship. From little things the smell of your perfume to the nights we spilled our whole lives to each other. I wish so badly at the end of my days I could call you and tell you everything. Tell you about the new men in my life. Tell you about important phone calls with my mom. Tell you that I would do anything not to loose you as my friend.

More than anything I want you to know that I will ALWAYS be there for you. I don't know if I ever told you, but a best friend to me means soulmate. I don't know if I want to get married, I don't know when I will be ready to settle down again, and I'm deadly afraid of commitment. However, I have always known without a doubt I wanted you to be my maid-of-honor, wanted to fly to wherever you end up, and was certain you were forever stuck with me. Calling someone my best friend means the world to me. The day I started calling you my best friend was the day I admitted to myself that I wanted you to be a part of my life forever. So with that being said, please know that no matter what I will always care for you. Thirty years later you could call me and ask to grab a cup of coffee (and most likely tea for me), and I would more than happily agree. In a month you could call me crying and I would do anything to help make you feel better. I would still love to be your friend, or maybe be your friend again when you feel ready. I never want you to think that you are alone, because know that I will always be there if you need.

Thank you again for all you have done, and please know that I understand you can't be there for me anymore, but I love you forever still.

Sincerely yours always,

Trinity