Dear dad,

Why this? Why was I not enough? Do you miss me? Do you take it back? Are you proud of me?

The questions I want to ask you are endless. You had the choice to leave and you took the out. And let me tell you, dad, it sucks. You forever broke me.

Life is already puzzling enough and now, because of you, I will forever have a piece to my puzzle missing. Do you know how that feels as then an 11 year old? And now as a 20-year-old? I can tell you it doesn't get easier. I can tell you I have my good days and bad days.

Those are what I want to talk to you about. You might already know, but I want to have the power to tell you.

My good days have finally begun outweighing the bad. I expected this as I got older. I hoped for the day that I understood your choice even a little bit. Has that day come? No. However, what makes it better is that I now know it will never come.

My bad days are full of emotion. I face so much anger and sadness that it can be overwhelming. I'm mad at you dad. I'm furious you left. I'm pissed for you leaving everything on mom's shoulders. She didn't sign up to do this alone. I'm incredibly sad that you didn't feel there was any other way out. I'm sad for me too. I didn't deserve to be hurt like this. You've left me with so many questions. The worst part about those questions; they don't have answers.

My good days. I promise you I still have those. You deserve to know that. My good days are when I remember how much you love me. I remember all the fun memories like you pretending to be Santa Clause to get me out of my room when I was upset.

You would be proud of me if you were here. I've lived each day to almost "impress" you I guess. I want to show you that you raised me right. That in our few years together the messages and lessons I learned from you meant something.

I miss you. I love you. I wish you were here.

Love,

Your lonely daughter