To the person no longer in my life,

You might be surprised that I'm even writing this, since the last time we talked I made my feelings clear and told you I didn't want anything to do with you anymore. See, this was years in the making, despite how you think "this came out of nowhere" and that "I'm being dramatic." I won't blame our failed relationship on the divorce of our family or the physical distance between our addresses. I wont put the blame on those trivial things because I have plenty of friends who have pretty great relationships with BOTH of their parents, despite a broken marriage. However, I will put the blame on several things.

I blame you. I blame you for not being the parent I needed you to be, the parent you just should've been, given the title of a parent. You were emotionally absent. I don't think you even know my favorite food, the movie I watch when I'm sad, or what I need to hear when I've had a bad day. You don't know the amount of times my sole provider had to take me to the doctor, picked me up from school when I just needed a mental break day, or my daily struggles that they have helped me with the past few years. I think the flaw in your parenting style was the fact that you thought being a parent meant a phone call a week and a mandatory weekend once a month. You would never go the extra mile.

I blame your choice. You made your choice of who you wanted more in your life a long time ago. You chose your new spouse. And honestly, I can't help but put some of the blame on them for putting a wedge between what could've been a great relationship. Though, you are naive to how they put this wedge there, it's prevalent and known to everyone, but you. See, to you they do no wrong and are the love of your life; your main priority. I'm not saying a spouse shouldn't hold this place title, but when you decide to have kids despite if it was from a different marriage, they should be your main priority.

Lastly, I blame myself. Most people would ask how I could blame myself for a parent that wasn't there for me. But I do. I blame myself for expecting more out of you than apparently I should have. I'm sorry I thought that you coming to visit me instead of me making the effort to see you, wasn't a lot to ask. I'm sorry that I thought my parent would want to surprise me one Saturday to have lunch with me, despite how much gas cost to make that trip. I'm sorry that I believed that you would be like my other parent who would do anything for me. I'm sorry I thought you would financially help with school. The last time we talked, when I said all that was needed to be said, hoping for an apology and a realization of how you have failed as a parent, I stated how you haven't done anything to be a parent to me. You answered with "well you haven't done anything for me." So I blame myself for that- "not doing anything for you," despite being the kid.

It's a sad thing. Cutting someone from your life. Thinking of the things you weren't there for and the things you wont be there for in the future. But like I said, you made your choice a long time ago. However, I hope you have a great life. I pray for you and your spouse and hope y'all are very happy together. But when you said "one day I'll realize that I was wrong and regret this decision," just know that I won't. I'm not wrong and I wont regret this. I know what I deserve.

I want to thank you. Thank you for teaching me what I deserve. For teaching me what not to do when I have a family. You being emotionally absent has taught me how to love deeper. So thank you.

P.S. Know that I am in great hands, which I have been my whole life. I have an amazing parent who stepped up and hasn't let me down once. They love me and provide for me. They're my best friend and sole confidant. They are a true parent and I am better off.