To Hell With #RelationshipGoals!
We have all been there: scrolling through Facebook, minding our own business, when... BANG, the dreaded #RelationshipGoals post appears and we are suddenly bombarded by images of shining diamond rings, ridiculous boxes of chocolates, gorgeous couples, and goodnight texts that seem to come straight out of a Shakespearean love sonnet.
The posts popping up across social media are not fair representations of the average romantic relationship. Sure, most relationships have good, cute moments, but no relationship is perfect. By presenting people (most often young girls) with image after image of what constitutes a 'perfect' relationship, it is likely that they will grow up with a grossly skewed idea of how relationships work. The false notions surrounding beauty and relationships we once complained about in old Disney movies are now present once again through the unrealistic portrayal of romantic relationships on social media.
Our obsession with the #RelationshipGoals culture could actually be leading us to have worse relationships. Instead of being realistic about our expectations for our partner, we approach a relationship with preconceived notions that we have developed due to social media. When things don’t work out, we are quick to compare ourselves to what we have seen online. This act of comparing the real with the exaggerated leads us to begin to doubt ourselves and our relationships without any concrete reasoning. No one’s relationship will be like those that we see online, because the relationships portrayed online are ‘airbrushed’ versions of the real thing, where underlying disagreements and imperfections are invisible.
What is perhaps an even greater effect of “#RelationshipGoals" is that it encourages us to define ourselves through a relationship instead of through the development of our own identity and means of expression. There are far more images involving finding purpose, happiness and peace through being in a relationship than there are revolving around self exploration or the development of one's identity. Although being in a healthy relationship should definitely allow for exploration and growth, some of the best moments for us to grow are when we are on our own. The images present on social media lead young people to believe that true happiness can be found in a relationship. A screenshot of a conversation between a couple where the boy is reassuring a girl that she is beautiful sends the message to young women that they need to find someone to tell them that they are beautiful. What we see on social media is grossly deceiving to its young audience.
Focus on #SelfGoals Instead!
Instead of reinforcing the stereotype that young women need to be in a relationship to feel validated, wanted, or beautiful, let’s promote a culture that teaches girls about the importance of self love. We need to put an end to the era of “#RelationshipGoals” by replacing it with a movement focused on something along the lines of “#SelfGoals.” By encouraging young people to learn how to play an instrument, live a healthy lifestyle, read good books, and eat good food, we can help them to feel comfortable in their own skin. Our society has adopted a negative attitude towards people who are single or alone, and it is time to put an end to that.
Teaching young girls that they do not to be in a relationship to feel important will lead to a positive change in the role of women in modern day relationships. If we send girls out into the world who respect themselves, love their lives, and don’t need any one to tell them that they are beautiful, they will likely have healthier relationships in their adult lives. For these women, relationships won’t serve as an identity or a means of validation, but instead as ways to continue to grow and expand their horizons. If a person is self confident and understands themselves, they will be less likely to enter a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Above all, it is important to show young girls that there is more to life than being in a relationship. “#RelationshipGoals” may have started with good intentions, but it is having a detrimental effect on its audience. To hell with chocolate and diamonds, let’s help shift the focus of young women towards loving themselves, respecting their bodies, and embracing each day of their life as an adventure.
