Dear You,
You know who you are, at least I hope you do. As I write this, half of me hopes you never see this, but the other half hopes you read every word of what I’m about to say. I feel like there are some things that I need to forgive you for, apologize for and, lastly, thank you for. The months we spent together taught me more than I ever thought possible.
I want to start this by letting you know that I forgive you. I don’t know if you need forgiveness or if you even want it, but I know I need to give it for my own peace of mind. I forgive you for giving up on us not even two weeks into you being away at school. I forgive you for making me go to my first day of senior year with bloodshot eyes because I had stayed up the whole night crying over you. I forgive you for leaving me with a sweatshirt that smelled like you until I finally had the opportunity to throw it back in your face, and call you a jerk for the way you treated me. I forgive you for making it so difficult for me to get my stuff back. I forgive you for hurting me so badly that I had to convince myself that I never loved you, just so I could move on. I forgive you for breaking my heart.
With all that being said, I want you to know that I am truly, deeply sorry. I’m sorry for convincing myself that I never loved you and for acting as if what we had was meaningless. I’m sorry for not treating you the way you deserved to be treated. You deserved the world, and I barely gave you a blade of grass. I’m sorry for taking and taking and barely giving anything back. I’m sorry that while losing you forced me to gain emotion, losing me made you lose them. I’m sorry that I broke your heart long before you ever broke mine.
Even with all the bad that came with our relationship, there was so much good — so thank you. Thank you for making me feel beautiful at a time in my life where that was the last thing I thought about myself. Thank you for singing along to songs in the car with me and for buying me chocolate milkshakes whenever I had a craving. Thank you for pushing me out of my comfort zone, for making me feel something other than numbness and for bringing light back into my life. You chipped away at me and now I feel everything. I never want to go back to who I used to be. Thank you for showing me that I am capable of being loved but that I am not worthless if I am not.
I hope you’ll never see this, but I also hope you’ll read it a million times.
Love,
The New Me
