I was sitting in the waiting room at a doctor’s office for an appointment the other day, and the man next to me struck up a conversation as we sat in patients’ purgatory. I could tell by his accent that he was an authentic “salt-of-the-Earth” kind of bloke. He appeared to be in his late fifties. He was wearing a bucket hat, an Iowa State T-shirt, camouflage cargo shorts, white crew socks, and sandals. To say he was a true fashion connoisseur would certainly be an understatement. We quizzed each other about what serious ailment had brought us to this meeting point. When I divulged that I was a student at the University of Oklahoma, he replied in his full drawl, “What’er you studyin’? Besides girls…”

This anecdote illustrates that even a man from the sticks knows that in college, our endeavors with men or women are just as pivotal as our academics.

However, dating is certainly not what it used to be. With the ascension of technology, a desensitization to taboo topics like sex, and an overall decline in human social ability, dating is almost antique. Maybe the hipsters will bring back the art of asking a girl to go on a date to her face because it is a vintage concept.

It was not so long ago that when a man saw a woman he found attractive, he would walk right up to her and introduce himself. Now when a man sees an attractive woman, he follows her on Instagram or sends her a friend request on social media. Back in time, the man would call the woman on the telephone (land line, of course), and after having a productive conversation, the two would set a meeting time. They would actually stick to that meeting time because they could not text each other to flake out and sit at home watching Netflix instead. Now we will send a text with articulate prose such as “Hey!,” or didactic lines like “What’s up?” Technology is actually ruining our ability to connect with one another, but that is my topic for next week, so we will save any elaboration on that for a later date.

If you did not like someone, you actually had the courage to tell them you were not interested, and that person was not psychotic enough to freak out about it. Aziz Ansari sums up the contemporary way of telling someone you are not interested:

I believe it is beneficial to begin college single and start out single after graduation. It is not required and not for everyone, but here is why. The age range of 18-22 is the time we are in college, and it is also the time we most grow into who we will be as adults. People change a lot during these formative years. It is good to be single at the beginning so you can meet new people. It is good to be single at the end so you can learn to be independent, live on your own, and take care of yourself. However, this article is more about what to do in between those times.

The trouble in college is that many seem to live in fear of commitment. As if someone asking you on a date means you have to spend forever with them. I think girls in college have a problem in this area. Somehow, probably due to the lack of commitment to anything in life by our generation, we are afraid that just going out with someone means you are in a committed relationship. Because of this fear of dating, we have developed the term “talking.” Older people do not understand this concept. I grasp the idea, but I think it is stupid. What we define as “talking” was once just dating, or seeing someone. We also need to get back to clearly defining what is a date and what is not. We do not ever want to call something a date anymore, we just want to “hang out.” We are afraid to call it that because we do not want people to get the idea that we have a boyfriend or girlfriend. We simply want to walk the fence between having someone to spend time with while maintaining the relationship status of single. It used to be that you could be dating but not committed. Somewhere along the way, the apple fell far from the tree and the lines blurred.

Men can suffer from this problem as well, but for different reasons. Guys in college have a problem with doing anything more than “talking” for the same fear of commitment, but also because they do not want to have feelings. Society has told us that as men, we need to be hard, that emotions are crap for women. This, of course, is stupid. The reality is that they may like a girl, but do not want to be rejected. Males still have the same fear that females do: they may commit to someone and realize they have made the wrong decision. However, it is more than just that with men. Our society also tells us that sex with people for selfish pleasure without commitment is fashionable. Just listen to any modern pop or rap song, the lyrics clearly define how cool it is to be single and “playing the field,” if you will.

Which brings me to my next point that we encounter another epidemic problem in college. In proper terms, it would be defined as: engaging in physical intimacy, often in the form of copulation, without any commitment or obligations to maintain the relationship; often without subsequent rendezvous or intercourse, or any additional communication at all. (Also known as: hooking up, the one night stand, toot it and boot it, or hit it and quit it). This practice is commonplace within the ranks of undergraduates, and certainly makes picking a monogamous girlfriend or boyfriend a tall order. What is more romantic than a night of heavy consumption, then stumbling to bed only to wake up with a random person next to you and a headache?

Of course, the frequent flyers of the “hooking up” airline are usually quite good looking, therefore I have not joined the club, myself. There are some of us here in college who, unfortunately, own mirrors, and are quite aware of our average aesthetic presentation. We must rely on the forgotten art of having a personality to have any luck. Sure, we may be fun to talk to at the party, and we may even bust a move or two on the dance floor, but in the end we are just good friends to have. (One day they will grow up and realize that looks fade and they will want to marry us… Until then, we wait.)

For me personally, dating in college presents some other challenges. The first being that both of my parents were each divorced twice, and so I know how people and feelings can change over time. We are at an age where most of us will be very different in 10 years. We are not yet truly adults. If you ask an adult if they stayed the same from the time they were 18 to the time they were 30, I am positive they would tell you that they and their lives changed dramatically. I do not know where I will end up, but I do not want to live here, that is for sure. I do not know what I will be doing, but I have an idea and I will need my wife’s support. There are so many factors we have to look for to be compatible. For example, mine includes: similar religious beliefs, similar political ideology, a similar sense of humor, and so on. Of course there are girls I know where I think, “they have traits that I would look for in a wife,” or “they have potential to be the kind of girl I want to marry.” However, I know that I want to grow and change from who I am now, and I am sure they do too. So for me, it is not the fear of commitment or the desire to be with multiple people, it really just comes down to knowing we are not fully formed human beings, so I cannot decide if I want to be with a girl because she and I may change.

That is why we need to quell our fear of dating. If I ask a girl out, it just means I want to spend time with her and get to know her better. God knows I do not want to be married until I am 30, and so we need to realize that dating is not the commitment we think it is in college.

Which brings me to the final topic, marriage in college. I have a handful of friends who are engaged or married and are currently enrolled in college. I often think to myself, “They have been together for about three or four years now… I had haircuts or T-shirts for three or four years that I see pictures of now and say, "What the hell was I thinking? Why did I ever think that was a good idea?’” So I cannot help but wonder if these friends will look back one day and think the same thing about their youthful relationship commitment. Then again, who am I to say that they are too young or immature to know if they are making the right decision? I am just as young and stupid as they are so I am hardly an authority on the matter.

That being said, it is hard for me to imagine committing the rest of my life to another human being when I do not know where I am going to live or what I am going to do for a living. I have enough trouble deciding between eating at Chipotle or Fuzzy’s for dinner. How am I supposed to decide who I want to be with every single day for the rest of my time on Earth? What if I had to decide between Chipotle and Fuzzy’s, and whichever one I committed to, I could only eat at that chosen establishment for the rest of my life? I would choose Chipotle because she has more locations, has no GMOs, does not have an alcohol problem, and even though she does not have queso, I accept her faults and love her anyways.

Then come the worries of the future. What if I get sick of Chipotle? What if Chipotle changes her menu on me and is mean to me? What if Chipotle lets herself go and becomes very shabby and not clean? What if Chipotle cheats on me and starts serving her delicious items to other men? What if I want to move to a city where Chipotle does not want to have a franchise? What if Chipotle decides she does not want kids? What happens if she closes and leaves me for men who are not balding and have more money?! (Now just ask those same questions about a human.)

I think the people we know who are our age and engaged or married are able to do so because they have a clear idea of where they want to go in life, and that idea is mutual. People always talk about how getting married young is a mistake, but a lot of the older married couples I know who are still together were married around our age. So even though I certainly could not do it myself, that does not mean they cannot. So best of luck to the young lovers who are engaged or married.

Dating in college will always be a choice that varies from person to person. For some it is a good thing, for others it is limiting and a negative practice. Personally, I would not date anyone who I would not consider to have the qualities I would look for in a wife. That, however, does not mean that we all have to be in a serious relationship with whoever we go on a date with. In the end, as a child of parents who were both divorced two times each, marriage is something I want to be absolutely sure of. In college, I just cannot be absolutely sure of anything in life. Especially where I am going to eat for dinner. But just like a girl who I can see myself being with in the future, I usually end up back at Chipotle. Even if she does not have queso, cheese expires, and I love her just the same.