Tips On How To Win A Facebook Flame War
Start writing a post
Student Life

Tips On How To Win A Facebook Flame War

Disagreements happen; it's inevitable. One must prepare to stave off Facebook Assailants and defend your honor.

329
Tips On How To Win A Facebook Flame War
sjgames

Show of hands, who has ever gotten into an argument on social media? Chances are pretty high that you, the reader, have defended your stance on at least one issue. As someone who enjoys a stimulating debate, I must confess that I have not beheld many of these online. I am attributing this abundance of atrociously composed rebuttals to stupid people who didn't pay attention in English class. Now, are they stupid or do they just not know how to "flame war"? It is my tendency to believe the cause is the former and not the latter. Nonetheless, it is my goal to impart a few tips on how to become a better debater on Facebook.

1. Hooked On Phonics: Use.That.Shit.

I must apologize. I am projecting a personal bias here, but I become physically ill when I read terribly written social media posts, especially in an argument. You rob yourself of all credibility when you use the wrong form of your/you're. There are other faux pas one can commit such as ending a sentence with a preposition, incorrect usage of their/they're/there, fucking up Oxford commas. Oh mah' gerd'. Do not get me started on Oxford commas. I mean, I am not an English major and am far from perfect, but you should be able to perform at a certain level when arguing online. Therefore, do your research and learn yo' self some English.

2. Never Back Track. Once you back track, you are a loser.

In an argument, someone is likely going to say something that will offend you. Name calling is a classic example. Someone talented at handling confrontation will identify something that got under your skin and absolutely milk it. If you are having a political debate with someone intelligent, someone who makes good points and defends them well, then I recommend you research your point of view, defend it, and stick to it. Inconsistencies lead to you losing.

3. Avoid "Curse Words".

I've seen many an ignoramus neglect to spell "because" correctly, but they manage to spell "fuck" right every time. If you can refute your opponent's argument professionally and intelligently, then you are one step ahead. By wording your sentence correctly you can also sneak in sarcasm and snark that adds insult to injury. That takes much more skill. Condescension can really get under people's skin. If you must use curse words, do it ironically. Make it humorous yet classy. There is a reason Mark Twain is a commemorated author and not Johnny Redneck who is griping about all of "da worthless fuckn Mexicans comin in and takin our jobs and taxes. Trump make merica grate again!! If u dnt like it get out!!!"

....

So yeah... Here is the final tip for flame wars on social media. Strap in — it is the best one yet!!!

...

Keep going...

...

...

...

...

Almost...

...

...

...

And Finally...

...

4. Don't have a flame war, you stupid idiot!

Just don't. I will reference Johnny Redneck from before. If someone is going to open up a can of worms on Facebook, there is a very high chance that you could argue with them and be right in absolutely every way. However, there is no possible way for them to see that. People suck, honestly. We pay people called "politicians" thousands of dollars every day to have flame wars. This has been going on for centuries. If we haven't figured out how to settle arguments by now, we likely never will. My vote is to disregard tips 1-3, practice flame war abstinence, and your life will be happier. I promise!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
the beatles
Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

Keep Reading...Show less
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
Featured

19 Lessons I'll Never Forget from Growing Up In a Small Town

There have been many lessons learned.

39475
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee
nappy.co

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

114710
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments