Tinder is a popular app used to meet people in you area by swiping right if you're interested in getting to know them further and swiping left if you're not so interested. Tinder's website states that "A friend, a date, a romance, or even a chance encounter can change someone’s life forever." Here are a few first impressions that were less than life changing.
1. I would travel across the sahara desert wearing nothing but a parka and only a handful of salteens [sic] to eat, but to be able to throw my name in a hat with a million other names hopefully to win a drawing to have to [sic] opportunity to hold the door open for you and the chance you might notice me
Wow. I AM GENUINELY WORRIED THAT THERE IS TOO MUCH FREE TIME IN THE WORLD AFTER I READ THAT. Everything about that is wow. If I could forget the fact that Salteens is a Canadian pop band that tours with Yo Gabba Gabba and that Saltines are a salty cracker I would still be in complete awe that someone took the time to say that. I seriously hope he found this on the internet and he just copied and pasted.
2. So here's what I have planned for our first date... Take you out for a nice dinner, and share a bottle of wine. And by one bottle, I mean 7 of them.. We stumble into my horse drawn carriage, take you to an ice skating rink... I fall, you fall, we make a great first memory of it. Then go back to my place and get yelled at by my parents.... I mean my roommates... For bringing a girl home after midnight.. The cuddle until the sun wakes us up.
...... But wait he wasn't done.
3. And before you respond... I know what you're thinking, and no I don't know how to ice skate
OMG. Matt, 24, 29 miles away. You made my top 10 not only once but twice.
Would your mom.. er... roommate want to make me cookies?
4. I used my only super like* on you
That was true and I was flattered. We actually did go on a date and I super liked dinner, if I'm being honest. Still though, 4/10 for the introduction.
*a super like for those not on tinder is a handy little button where you can "super like" someone and it send them a different screen when you name comes up. This defeats the whole anonymous swiping but you're also about 300% more likely to match, says Tinder.
5. You're a babe but I didn't realize you're only 18. Sorry girl hit me up in a few years.
1. Tinder says your age.
2. I was not very polite when I responded.
3. He later called me ugly when I wouldn't respond to him...
Sometimes you just can't win.
6. Hi. I just wanted to tell you that if I had the emotional maturity for a relationship, you'd totally be top of my list. :P
Hi. I just wanted you to follow me on Instagram.
7. Can you give me a second? I'm on the phone with iTunes complaining that they don't have you listed as the hottest single.
I'm going to give you an hour because it's 2015 and you should probably just download Spotify at this point. Bonus points for making me laugh, though.
8. Are you a fruit because honeydew you know how fine you look right now?
Puns? Fruit? This guy is destined to do great things.
9. I'm kind of upset we are going to have to tell our kids that we met on tinder
I suggested that we don't have kids... He suggested we hangout. I never responded. Crisis avoided.
10. Do you have any raisins? Well, then how about a date?
Again, fruit and puns.
It goes without saying that Tinder can spawn countless hours of entertainment when used safely. Happy swiping!
