A Timeline Of College Spring Break, As Told By Fat Amy

A Timeline Of College Spring Break, As Told By Fat Amy

And remember: what happens at break, stays at break.

Spring break. Undoubtedly the most anticipated event of the spring semester for college students nationally. This wild, reckless, and spontaneous time is more than just a week off of school. It has become its own culture, founded on the key motto: #YOLO. It is a time of genuine happiness, characterized by a stress-free lifestyle.

Given all of these factors, who better to accurately portray this memorable adventure than Rebel Wilson? Without further ado, I present to you a realistic representation of spring break, as told by Fat Amy herself.

1. The Week Before

So, you planned on eating nothing but salads, fruits, and working out at least once a day. You even figured out what group fitness classes you were going to attend in the gym! But just as you were on your way to Zumba, you got one-word text from your best friend—"Chipotle?" Friends don't let friends eat alone, and a burrito bowl has lettuce in it, so you're not really breaking your diet... And everyone knows you can't do cardio right after you eat! Oh well, next time.

2. The Night Before

So much to do, so little time! Naturally, you waited until the last minute to pack and sort out the details. This results in you going to bed around 3 a.m., but you're too excited to even sleep! That is, until about an hour before your alarm goes off. You hit snooze about three times in your sleep until you realize it's time. Good thing, too, because everyone else is ready. You make it down just in time to head out.

3. The Ride There

Snacks? Check. Caffeine? Check. Music (including '90s throwbacks)? Check. You are officially road trip ready and on the move toward your epic adventure of a lifetime. Just make sure the driver doesn't get too hype when old school Britney starts to play and stays focused on the road!

4. Arrival

IT'S HAPPENING. HOLY @#$*%. Against all odds, you and the squad have made it to your official SB2K16 destination. You might've lost your voices singing on the car ride there, but that's nothing a shot of liquor can't fix. You've magically transformed your outfits from road trip bums to spring break hotties, and you are ready to RAGE.

5. First Night Out

You head to the grocery store to grab essentials (a.k.a. mixers and frozen pizza) and get ready for your first night out. A couple people you ran into told you all about the "cool, hip club" across the beach, and without further ado, you guys are ready to go. At this point, your condo looks like a bomb exploded, causing the contents of your suitcases to scatter across the room. Just a typical side effect of getting ready with your friends. You hit the club and walk in feeling like a million bucks. It's spring break, baby.

6. Party like there's no tomorrow

You try to pace yourself but there's just so much to celebrate! Before you know it, your drink is gone (again). Good thing you have a tab open!

7. Questionable Decisions

The dude you have been eyeing all night finally walks over to you and starts to chat. But then he tries to pull a move, and you're like, "No! What kind of girl do you think I am!?" But shoot him a wink that really means "try again later."

8. Hangry and Hung Over

You wake up the next morning with a searing pain in both your head and stomach. You must have gotten injured last night! Then you realize the throbbing pain isn't a gunshot would, but a different (tequila) shot wound instead. And your stomach hurts because the only sustenance you've had in the last 14 hours has been of the liquid kind. Time for mimosas and pancakes at the diner across the street!

9. Chillin', Maxin', Relaxin' All Cool

The rest of the day is spent hanging out with friends on the beach, maybe playing beach volleyball or going on waterslides. The possibilities are endless! So this is what bliss feels like..

10. Do It All Again

Get dressed...

Get pumped....

Go wild! Spring break with your best friends really will be some of the best days of your life, so enjoy each and every second, because...

11. It will be over before you know it

As much as you never want these days to end, that last day is going to roll around eventually.

And honestly, you liver is probably screaming at you for a break. This is what I imagine it looks like:

12. Relive the memories on the car ride home

Spring break is crazy. You'll probably need the hours on the ride home to decompress and really wrap your heads around what truly happened. You'll also need that time to come to terms with whatever crazy stupid decisions you made and how to break them to the people at home.

13. Realize that, no matter what happened, it could have been worse

So true, Fat Amy. So true.

14. Cherish the memories

And remember: what happens at break, stays at break.

Happy spring breaking!

Cover Image Credit: blogspot.com

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To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

Suicidal thoughts are thought of in such black-and-white terms. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is there are some stuck in the gray area of those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead. You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

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In Real Life, 'Plus Size' Means A Size 16 And Up, Not Just Women Who Are Size 8's With Big Breasts

The media needs to understand this, and give recognition to actual plus-size women.


Recently, a British reality dating TV show called "Love Island" introduced that a plus-sized model would be in the season five lineup of contestants. This decision was made after the show was called out for not having enough diversity in its contestants. However, the internet was quick to point out that this "plus-size model" is not an accurate representation of the plus-size community.

@abidickson01 on twitter.com

Anna Vakili, plus-size model and "Love Island "Season 5 Contestant Yahoo UK News

It is so frustrating that the media picks and chooses women that are the "ideal" version of plus sized. In the fashion world, plus-size starts at size 8. EIGHT. In real life, plus-size women are women who are size 16 and up. Plunkett Research, a marketing research company, estimated in 2018 that 68% of women in America wear a size 16 to 18. This is a vast difference to what we are being told by the media. Just because a woman is curvy and has big breasts, does NOT mean that they are plus size. Marketing teams for television shows, magazines, and other forms of media need to realize that the industry's idea of plus size is not proportionate to reality.

I am all for inclusion, but I also recognize that in order for inclusion to actually happen, it needs to be accurate.

"Love Island" is not the only culprit of being unrealistic in woman's sizes, and I don't fully blame them for this choice. I think this is a perfect example of the unrealistic expectations that our society puts on women. When the media tells the world that expectations are vastly different from reality, it causes women to internalize that message and compare themselves to these unrealistic standards.

By bringing the truth to the public, it allows women to know that they should not compare themselves and feel bad about themselves. Everyone is beautiful. Picking and choosing the "ideal" woman or the "ideal" plus-size woman is completely deceitful. We as a society need to do better.

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