Dear society,

Before today, I would have been afraid to be open and honest with you. I wouldn’t tell you that sometimes it takes all of my strength to get out of bed in the morning. I wouldn’t tell you that I sometimes have uncontrollable panic attacks that paralyze me. I would put on a facade, even during my worst days, to make sure you knew I was OK. Even when you asked me if I was fine, I would lie and tell you that my puffy eyes were simply because I was tired.

I’m speaking out simply because since I have been open and honest about my diagnosis, I’ve pretty much heard it all. Though I know you mean well, what you say and do doesn’t always help. I do appreciate you trying though; I know it isn’t easy.

I am just as scared as you are. This is a new journey for me too, a journey that I am very unfamiliar with. Not being able to take control of my own body and mind is terrifying. I don’t have all the answers. Sometimes I can’t tell you exactly how I am feeling because I don’t understand it myself. And honestly, I wish that I had educated myself sooner, before I had to go through this so that I felt a little more prepared, not only for myself but for others that are going through this experience as well.

I can’t control my anxiety and depression, although I really wish that I could. It would make my life a lot easier. Sometimes my anxiety paralyzes me. Sometimes, it makes me nervous to experience new things. Sometimes I want to stay in and watch movies on the couch. I am trying to work on it, to feel comfortable to try new things, to have more good days than bad. I ask you that you have some patience when I am experiencing one of these moments. I promise, I really am trying to get better.

Just because I have been diagnosed with depression does not mean I am suicidal. You don’t always have to ask me all the time if I am OK, constantly check in with me, or hover. Though I know I haven’t been honest with you before, I promise I will let you know if I need you.

Sometimes I don’t need you to tell me what to do, I just need you to listen. When I am having that bad day, I just need someone to let me vent, to be supportive. I already am working on a healing process, getting guidance, and feeling better. But there are moments where I don’t want to talk about what is going on. Even though it might seem like I’m shutting you out, I promise I’m not. It is just sometimes too overwhelming and I need to process.

Today it seems that we live in a world where we are afraid to admit that we need help. It is a “taboo topic” this mental illness because we should be able to handle everything life throws at us. Though it sometimes doesn’t always feel like it, I know I will be OK, but I need you to be different. I need you to be open minded and sensitive not just towards me but the millions of people that battle with it every day.