"The bathroom is not a place to hang out."
When you walk into the bathroom and see people talking by the sinks, you immediately turn around and casually wait a few minutes for it to clear out so you can pee in peace.
"To enact the 'pee and flee' or wait it out."
You think to yourself that you've finally got the whole bathroom to yourself, but then someone walks in and instantly you freeze. Panicked, you go over your options.
Option one, to wait it out, has 100 percent effectiveness rates. Waiting it out usually works out very well unless you absolutely cannot hold it any longer, at which point you might be able to momentarily overcome your anxiety about the other person hearing you pee and just let the streams flow. If not leaving in search of a vacant bathroom, making a return trip is usually pretty effective.
Option two can be somewhat more tricky. There comes a point where you can no longer leave without the underlying notion that the other person knows that you didn't go to the bathroom and just flushed to get out of there only to come back later. When this happens, you just gotta stick it out and hope they finish up soon, lest it be known that you pulled a "pee and flee" and just pretended to use the bathroom. You know they know they didn't hear any pee hit the water, and it's totally embarrassing.
"How long have I been in here?"
Occasionally you manage to get an empty bathroom, but just as you are about to do the dirty, someone walks in. Fine, you wait it out, they will be gone soon and you can go back to having your alone time to pee. But then, there seems to be a never ending cycle of people that keep coming in just as the person is leaving, giving you no choice but to sit and wait it out. Sometimes this can take awhile so as a helpful tip, I would suggest bringing some reading material or a phone.
"Lines are the worst."
Whenever you need to go to the bathroom and there is a line, it adds so much more pressure. You get in the bathroom and immediately have five people behind you waiting. There's no turning back now, you can't let all these people see you walk out when it it is your turn to use the stall. So you have no choice other than to just go into the stall and try to will your overly shy bladder to get over it. But of course, it doesn't listen, again, and you feel like everyone is waiting for you to get done. The people in the stalls on either side of you were done ages ago and yet, here you are still having an internal debate with your bladder.
"Maybe if I just lean over to the side it won't hit the water."
We've all had a time in our lives where we've had a "silent" pee. Boys can do it, so why can't we? It's a very tricky maneuver to pull off, but if you can manage it, it's almost like you aren't even peeing at all, right?
"Is that person really on the phone?"
Why are you bringing your phone in the bathroom with you? Why are you on the phone in the bathroom? Don't you realize that the person your talking to is going to hear? Even if they don't hear the actual business taking place, they are going to hear the flush!
"Yes! A flush!"
Honestly, a flush is sometimes a godsend from heaven. It is loud enough so that you can pee in peace without the other person hearing. The only problem is you've got to be quick! The entire peeing process has to be done and over with before the flush ends or you are back at square one.
"Maybe I'll just go find another bathroom...in a different building...far away from people."
Sometimes the only option when faced with an incredibly crowded bathroom showing no signs of clearing out anytime soon is to simply go off in search of a new place to pee.
"It's been too long, they probably think I'm pooping!"
The constant anxiety of taking too long and freaking out about the person in the next stall over thinking about you and your bowel movements is just way too much pressure for one person to handle. They're just sitting there in silence with you. What else could they possibly be thinking about?
